


Aftermath

by Trixxster103



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: AU, Angst, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Homeworld is Awful, Hurt/Comfort, OC pearls - Freeform, Past Abuse, Rebellion, Slavery, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-10
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-09-20 04:31:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 24,691
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9475799
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Trixxster103/pseuds/Trixxster103
Summary: It's been five years since Steven dreamed of the palanquin. Five years since he stopped asking questions. For five years the Crystal Gems and Steven lived in blissful ignorance, fighting the occasional gem monster, eating Together Breakfasts and growing as people and gems. Everything changes when three strangers appear at their door. Pearl must step up as a leader and a friend. There is much to do. This is the aftermath.Canon compliant up to Steven's Dream.





	1. Yellow, Blue and Pink: Reunion

On Earth a year sometimes felt like a century. In the years after the war, but before Steven’s birth, the Crystal Gems could spend eons on things, steady as the ocean. Pearl had once mediated for a full decade and Sapphire had once spent an entire human life time composing lyrical poetry on an island with Ruby. Amethyst, though, was by far the best of all them. Her skills for sleeping or doing nothing were unrivalled. Their lives were slow, long and methodical and that suited them just fine. And then Steven was born and more happened each single year, than many of the centuries they’d lived combined. The amount of growing up they did in the short life Steven had had so far rivalled all that even Rose had done for them. There was an urgency to things that had long been forgotten.

If someone had told Pearl that there would come a day when her universe would shrink down to a pinprick and all that mattered to her was a curly haired little boy, a mystery woman, her protégé and her fellow Crystal Gems, she would’ve laughed and taken out her chalk board to explain exactly how that wouldn’t happen ever. Of course she still missed the stars, but every day it seemed like it mattered less and less. There was a little boy – who was becoming a little man – that was far more important. Despite her incredibly accurate memory, Pearl could not pinpoint the exact moment she’d started seeing humans as more than a base species incapable of protecting themselves, of when exactly she’d fallen in love with the Earth and realized she wanted to experience all of it, if it was with the people she loved. She had tried though. The flow chart unfortunately hadn’t helped. Sometime in the last five years since meeting Sheena it had happened, but that was as far as she could tell it.

“Yo, Pixie Stick. Earth to Pearl. Babe?” Sheena’s laugh cut through Pearl’s thoughts and she saw her girlfriend waving her hand in front of her face, everyone else looking on in amusement.

“It’s your turn Pearl,” Amethyst quipped, referring to the game of PolyPoly spread out before them. “If you’re gonna zone out like that cause you’re too busy thinking about making out with Sheena or whatever, you should get a room.”

Amethyst was too busy making gagging noises while Pearl rolled the die to see the smirk on her face. “Yours is free, Amethyst. What do you think, Sheena?”

“Oh, definitely. And we can reorganize the piles while we’re in there.” Sheena giggled behind her hand as she took her turn. Garnet and Lapis high fived Pearl across the table for that wonderful comeback as Amethyst sputtered.

“Remind me again why I wanted the cool, chill you back again?” Amethyst groaned, though her tone was playful in a way it never was before Steven started improving their relationship.

“Seems to me,” Peridot began, standing to get better height, “that you just need a ‘partner in crime’, as they say here on Earth! A Pauline to your Percy –“

“I thought you said Pierre and Percy were the ultimate pairing?”

“They are, undoubtedly. But Pauline and Percy get into the most mischief together, hence the comparison! We’ve been over this Amethyst!”

“Sorry I haven’t obsessed over every detail of your nerd show, Peri.”

“Clods,” Peridot muttered under her breath, to eyerolls from almost everyone present. “As I was saying, you need a Pauline! I’ve got Lapis, Steven’s got Connie, and Pearl has her mystery girl –“

“I can’t believe you guys still call me that.”

“I mean there’s always Garnet,” Connie piped up, from where she was snuggled into Steven’s side, and peeking through the curtain of his hair. At twenty he hadn’t yet reached his full height, but he was nearly as tall as Connie and at least looked like a teenager, which made his adult girlfriend easier to explain.

“Sorry, Amethyst, still the perfect relationship.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know, can’t break up the perfect pair. I’m a lone wolf anyways.” Amethyst punctuated that last statement with a long howl.

Steven joined into the howl, the low baritone of his voice blending with Amethyst’s to create a strange, discordant harmony. Connie laughed, knocking the fake money she’d been using to the floor where it scattered everywhere, the game seemingly forgotten.

“Of course, now they’re howling,” Pearl sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. Peridot seemed similarly mortified, especially since Lapis was gearing up to join them.

“C’mon Pearl,” Connie nudged her arm through her giggles, smiling brightly at her. She’d always had a way of talking Pearl into things. Sheena nudged her other side and Garnet flashed her a thumbs up.

“I suppose.” The statement died on Pearl’s lips as Sheena, Connie and Garnet abruptly joined into the chorus. Lapis howled with laughter, adding an odd dip to the noise. It was almost musical, like opera in a sense, Pearl justified to herself. She exchanged a shrug with Peridot and then joined in herself. Pearl had to admit it was kind of fun. She drew the line, however, when Amethyst and Peridot started throwing handfuls of fake money and game cards at each other.

It surprised everyone when there was a loud knock on the door. Steven jumped off the couch immediately, shouting that it was probably the post worker with his new ukulele strings. Pearl didn’t bother checking as she bent to clean up the abandoned game pieces.

“Pearl! You’re gonna want to see this.” Steven said, and his tone sent ice down her throat. That was the tone he used when he was unsure of a situation. It was a tone she knew well, but hadn’t heard in a long time. The kind where he drew her name out and hesitated on each syllable.

Snapping her head up, Pearl looked to the door of the house, slowly rising to stand next to Steven. Pearl gripped her spear tightly. She didn’t remember taking it out. From the door soft bickering could be heard as Pearl crossed the room in three quick strides.

“Do you think we have the right place?”

“Of course we have the right place! We’re within the approximate range of the signal the peridot gave off when she called.”

“Humans are strange though, maybe they have more than one giant temple that looks like a gem?”

“Is this supposed to be a diamond?”

“I highly doubt that! This temple is clearly based on a fusion.”

Pearl yanked the door open, nearly pulling it off its hinges. The two gems who had been bickering noticed but did not turn to acknowledge her right away. The third however, raised a hand to her mouth, and Pearl absolutely ached. Blue Diamond’s pearl made a hiccupping choking noise and jumped into Pearl’s arms, her spear long since forgotten and dissolving into motes of light.

The two of them stumbled backwards, twirling in an abstract dance before finally falling to the ground, Blue absolutely crushing Pearl against her, sobbing long and hard. “Pearl.”

“Oh Blue,” Pearl choked back her own watery sob.

Blue pulled back, holding her face in her hands, bangs wet from tracts of tears. She examined Pearl, touching her carefully all over as if she might break upon the slightest provocation. Blue kissed her, soft, friendly, eons of ache pouring out of her. Cheeks, then hands, hair and finally gem, wiping away Pearl’s tears as she went.

“Were you happy?” Blue finally asked, pulling back to gaze at Pearl again.

“Were you?” Pearl asked back, masking her tears with a chuckle.

Blue sniffed hard, shaking her head, fingers tight. She couldn’t answer that, not just yet. “Your hair and your clothes and your everything. Pearl.”

“I do look pretty different, don’t I?”

“You’re still flying though. And we’re still….”

“Yes Blue! God yes!”

The two of them cried harder, Blue crushing Pearl into a hug again, tears puddling onto the floor after dripping down her face. When she pulled back, Pearl’s gem glowed and she retrieved a handkerchief and – after pulling her bangs back – gently blotted Blue’s tears away.

“I’m sorry for crying,” She blubbered.

“You don’t have to apologize for this on Earth. Never for this,” Pearl reprimanded gently, handing her the handkerchief to blow her nose on.

“Not to break up this wonderful crying party, but.... who the hell is this, Pearl?” Amethyst demanded, and jumped over the couch where everyone was still sitting, too shocked to move.

“Everyone,” Pearl said, pulling Blue with her to her feet, “this is Blue Diamond’s pearl. We were – are – friends, before the war, before the rebellion.”

Blue gave a small, shaky wave with the free hand that wasn’t currently death gripping the proffered handkerchief.

“Let me get that for you,” Steven said, pointing at it and holding out his hand. Blue froze, shy and afraid until Pearl nodded at her. She dropped the handkerchief in his outstretched palm and retracted her hand quickly. Blue tried to shuffle closer into Pearl.

“T-thank y-you. S-s-steven,” Blue managed to stutter out with much difficulty.

Steven flashed her his brightest, friendliest smile as he walked to the dirty laundry basket he kept near his bed. His eyes met Pearl’s as he went. Pearl grimaced, Steven had always been too keenly observant for his own good and he had definitely noticed that Blue knew exactly who he was without introduction. For the moment he let the matter slide and Pearl relaxed again.

The other two gems, also pearls, who had been bickering outside the door and had frozen at the spectacle Blue and Pearl had made of themselves, were both peeking their heads through the door when Pearl turned and beckoned them in.

“Yellow, I never thought I’d see you again.”

“Things change,” Yellow answered contritely.

Pearl had been going to say something in response but Yellow’s eyes darkened and she crossed to the couch, pulling Peridot up to eye level, fists balled into her jumpsuit.

“Facet-2F5L Cut 5XG.”

“It’s Peridot, with a capital ‘P’, you clod!” Peridot hissed.

A hand on her shoulder – Garnet’s to be precise – was the only thing that stopped Lapis from coming to blows with the other pearl. Growling, Lapis shrugged Garnet’s hand off, though not without a warning squeeze from her; Lapis knew who would win that fight unfortunately.

“I was nearly shattered because of your reckless, irresponsible, selfish, bratty and uncouth behaviour. I know you think I’m just some shiny toy, but maybe you should think about your actions and the damage they can cause to those around you. I SHOULD shatter you, you stupid – “

Blue wrapped her arms around Yellow from behind, quelling her with a soft kiss to the cheek and then to the lips when she turned to look at her. Yellow returned it, flushed green to the ears. It was chaste and awkward, but effective.

“Sunshine please, that was half a decade ago. Gems change on Earth. And if not we’ll have many half decades more to figure this out. Gems talk about their problems here. No one gets shattered. No one gets shattered.” Blue hummed against the shell of Yellow’s ear, swaying with her, hands drawing comforting circles on her shoulders.

“We’ll have eons, Starshine,” Yellow corrected her, rage draining from her body. Slowly Yellow released her grip on Peridot and she fell to the couch, landing on her butt. Lapis pulled her onto her lap protectively, and Peridot crossed her arms, content to sulk for however long the rest of this interaction decided to last.

“You two finally got together then,” Pearl asked with a smirk.

“Of course we did. We were just waiting for the right opportunity that’s all.” Yellow turned haughtily, twirling Blue around with her, their dance familiar, but for once, unscripted.

Blue giggled, twirling out and coming to a stop in front of Pearl with a pirouette and a curtsy. “It only took her four hundred years to ask me,” Blue stage whispered to Pearl, winking conspiratorially.

“You two seem so sweet together,” Steven cooed.

“Yeah, nothing at all like the pearl we saw when P-dot called that one time,” Amethyst remarked with an eye roll.

Yellow Pearl went stiff with rage again, shouting, “You weren’t supposed to be spying on the private diamond communication line!”

“Eugh, can we please let this go for right now?” Pearl groaned.

Blue took Yellow’s hand again and she deflated, calming again, though not without casting a murderous glare at Amethyst, who stuck her tongue out in response.

Pearl stepped between them, continuing the introductions before anyone started fighting, “As most of you know, this is Yellow Diamond’s pearl.”

“Charmed.”

“And finally – well to be honest I have no idea. I’m afraid I’ve never met you before.”

The final pearl of the trio stepped forward from where she had been waiting patiently. Dressed in a long flowing dress, with sleeves that flared out and covered her hands it seemed that she’d been made for purposes more ornamental than practical. Pearl burned at that thought, but it was the truth. Her gem placement was typical, on her chest and as soft a pink as the rest of her.

“I belonged to an upper-crust Beryl. That’s all you need to know. I won’t be sharing my designation with you. I shed that the moment I left Homeworld.”

“What would you like us to call you then?” Pearl asked, fired up from the conviction in this newcomers’ voice.

“She hasn’t decided yet. Keeps waffling between these silly things she comes up with and my practical suggestions,” Yellow huffed.

“How about… Pinky!” Steven suggested.

The whole room seemed to hold its breath. The suggestion was a little silly, but it was so very, very Steven. Beryl’s pearl thought deeply, mouthed the name a few times and tried it on. Several seconds passed and then finally Beryl’s pearl smirked.

“It’ll do, I guess.”

“Well then,” Pearl gestured to the three newcomers, and swept her hands around to encompass everyone else. “Blue, Yellow, Pinky. We are the Crystal Gems. Welcome to Earth.”   

At that the temple erupted into a cacophony of sound, with the rest of the Crystal Gems rushing to fill in the empty space and introduce themselves. For a moment Pearl allowed herself to relax. The whole situation was overwhelming even if it was in a positive fashion. It was wonderful, but also hollow and Pearl was thrumming. The Crystal Gems had been a huge and chaotic group in the midst of the war, but they had been loyal. Singing, dancing and cavorting was common. After all, even with Garnet’s future vision, they had never known which of them might not be coming back. This felt a little like those rushed moments of fun, breaking into some song or other, the memories falling into a blurring buzz of emotion – except this time it was different. Pearl could enjoy it properly. No one was getting shattered any time soon. Pearl couldn’t help but shift from foot to foot, unsure who to look at or which conversation to focus on. Sheena and Lapis seemed to be sharing something funny with Pinky, based on how hard she was laughing, Steven and Connie were trying to convince a sour faced Yellow that Peridot and Amethyst, who had decided to sulk and whisper against the wall after shouting their introductions, weren’t that bad and Blue was asking Garnet about herself.

“You’re the Garnet that made such a stir the last time Blue Diamond was on Earth? I thought it was very brave, what you – er the two of you – did.”

“That’s me.”

“I’m glad you survived. I thought for sure they had caught you. We had heard stories about you, but I was never sure if it was you or…” Blue didn’t manage to finish her sentence, shy in the face of Garnet’s stoicism.

“Definitely me. We were awesome.”

“We still are, Garnet,” Pearl chuckled, hanging onto her arm as she came to stand beside her.

“That we are.”

The noise of the room had dulled a bit, and slowly everyone began to group up again, those that hadn’t already introduced themselves making polite small talk. Blue approached Amethyst and Peridot, talking low and hushed. Something she said broke through and all three of them laughed, the tension easing out of the situation. Gracefully she lured them backwards, distracting them into conversation until they were standing in the midst of the group again, Yellow quick to jump to her side. Blue had been good at talking to people, once you got past the shyness.

“Not that I don’t love meeting new gems, especially ones that aren’t trying to kill me, but these pearls seem awfully knowledgeable about us. You’ve never been like this before. You and Garnet are usually always so suspicious about any of the gems that show up.” Steven pulled Pearl aside to talk to her, flushing guiltily all the while.

“These aren’t just any gems Steven. They’re pearls. Blue and Yellow are good gems. I know them.”

“If Pearl trusts them, then so do I.” Garnet was firm, and Pearl beamed from her side.

“They haven’t told us why they’re here, Pearl. I’ve witnessed all of you poof more times than I’ve ever wanted. I want everyone, even them, to be safe, so –“

“Steven’s right,” Yellow’s voice cut through the conversation the way Pearl used to cut through Homeworld gems. It was exhilarating. Bashfully Steven looked away, realizing he’d been caught in his suspicions, as a semi-circle naturally formed around the three newcomers. “Tell them, Starshine.”

Flick. It was like a switch was thrown. Blue stood up straighter, stance wide, bangs pulled back, nothing meek or weak about her. “Homeworld has fallen.”

“I’ll make the tea,” Pearl said after a long while, crossing to the kitchen to busy herself so no one could see her hands shake.

“I’ll help.” And Connie followed.


	2. Yellow, Blue and Pink: Rebellion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blue, Yellow and Pinky explain the second rebellion, how and why it started.

It took nearly an hour and a lot of maneuvering to get everyone situated on the couch and with something hot to drink. The couch had struggled with just the eight of them for PolyPoly, knees and legs knocking together, elbows touching, arms affectionately around each other, fueled by five years of easy familiarity; now with eleven it was a terrifying prospect of tangled limbs, and bodies accidentally spilling off the couch. In the end, Amethyst gave up and slid down to lie on the floor, spreading out everywhere and claiming as much space as she could. Peridot grumbled, but eventually scampered to perch on the back of the couch behind Lapis, arms leaning casually on the water gem’s head. With nine it was quite the squeeze, but just barely manageable. Connie used it as an excuse to press herself closer to Steven, reveling in their shared warmth, giddy at the three strangers that had shown up.

Connie was ravenous when it came to learning. And that extended to her boyfriend and his odd, wonderful family, though she was too pragmatic to ask them herself, knowing only what Steven had told her – which was thankfully everything he knew, having agreed long ago to have no secrets between them. While the look on her mentor’s face concerned her, Connie couldn’t pretend she wasn’t at least a little curious about Pearl and these three strangers that seemed to know her so well. It felt a little like falling off the Sky Arena had, a strange terrifying rush of newness and anxiety. Pearl had gotten better, but even Connie wouldn’t blame her if she ran off alone the way she did after something like this. The pull to _know_ was incredible though. Steven had stopped asking questions long ago, after a near breakdown from Pearl and Garnet upon mentioning dreams of a palanquin. And for five long years after that, they had lived in fairly blissful ignorance. The odd corruption popped up here and there, but not a peep was heard of Homeworld, and the gems and Steven continued in their odd way, having the occasional spat or adventure, growing closer and growing up. It was odd for Connie, being so proud of conscious manifestations of light that were thousands of years her senior, and them being equally proud of her. The gems weren’t just mentors now, they were _friends,_ her equals, some strange quasi-family, that they didn’t even understand themselves.

For that reason, when Pearl’s leg wouldn’t stopped tapping rhythmically up and down, it was Connie who soothed it with her hand, Sheena, on Pearl’s other side, being occupied with holding both her hands and whispering reassurances to stave off a total breakdown. Blue had wanted to sit next to Pearl at first, but was not offended when she was guided to sit opposite them, Pink and Yellow at her sides, and uncomfortably close to Lapis Lazuli. Pearl finally breathed, and glanced at her pupil, and then both of them turned to see Blue’s curious gaze, an entire conversation passing unspoken between them. Connie smiled hard in response to their awkward frowns and both pearls relaxed ever so slightly, Steven in starry eyed awe. Every time his girlfriend bridged a gap between people it always made him love her even more, even when he thought it was impossible for there to be anymore love for him to give. 

“So…” It was Amethyst that broke the silence, impatient with the glacial pace at which the interaction was moving.

“Where do we even begin?” Yellow sighed, ruefully, feeling the weight of enormous responsibility.

“At the beginning,” Blue said, sounding surer than she felt.

Pinky, examining her fingernails (which couldn’t get dirty anyways), let out a bored drawl, “Why don’t we summarize and then you can ask all the burning questions I can just tell you’re dying to ask.”

“That sounds… acceptable,” Pearl started, shifting her gaze from one gem to the next. “Any objections?”

When none were forthcoming, Yellow let out a sigh, and leaned forward, elbows on her knees. Blue took her hand, offering her the most dazzling smile she could manage, and gestured for her to go on and begin.

“We’ve been planning the Rebellion for eons now, but we kept putting it off. It never felt like the right time. And then that clod over there,” Yellow threw a disparaging look and gesture Peridot’s way, balking when she snubbed her nose at her in response, before continuing, “decided to use the diamond communication line to personally insult Yellow Diamond. We had to move quickly after that, since I was going to be shattered.”

Peridot looked surprisingly ill as she took in this revelation. “But why would you be shattered for something I did?” Her voice was small, and aching, but it carried in the tense silence. Pearl blanched, appalled at how painful things were getting so quickly and so soon.

Yellow exploded. “Do you think of any Gem but yourself, you IGNORAMUS! Why do you think? We’re only ‘somebody’s shiny toy’ after all. We belonged to them, and they used us to their whims. If I could show you every bruise and break I’ve ever gotten from someone pissing off Yellow Diamond I would, and I promise you there wouldn’t be an ounce of skin unmarked. Just because you didn’t own a pearl yourself doesn’t mean you weren’t complicit in the very system that made us slaves!”

“Sunshine, please,” Blue whispered placatingly, but Yellow pushed her away, sending her falling onto the couch with a thud.

Yellow glared at Lapis, but the water gem just shrugged, a wry frown on her face. Despite feeling thick smothering affection for Peridot, despite being crazy in love with her, there was an equal measure of vindication for Yellow mixing into her feelings. She had been there, knew what it was like to hold so much anger and pain that it seemed like only hitting or breaking something would fix it. And most importantly she knew what Peridot was like. She basically lived with the clod. Any gem that was willing to try and go after Peridot again, even when she had stared them down with an offer of pain had to want it very badly indeed, Lapis reasoned. And truthfully she was curious how it would all play out. In the end she decided that this was a confrontation that Peridot would have to deal with on her own and turned to make sure Blue was okay, instead.

With Lapis leaning over to check on Blue a way to Peridot opened up. The green gem howled, and tried to scamper away, but Yellow was faster, dancer’s grace and nervous energy propelling her across the short distance easily. Yellow grabbed her by her uniform again, the star crumpling under her fist, and cocked her other hand back, fist clenched so hard her knuckles popped. Peridot’s gulp was audible through the house. Cold fear she hadn’t felt in a long time rushed over her, and Peridot scanned the room, looking for any help whatsoever. No one moved. Amethyst looked conflicted, but she didn’t move, catching the stern look of stoic coldness from Garnet. Steven wanted to help her, she was sure, tears already pooling at the corner of his eyes, but Connie was holding him back, whispering, her dark expressive eyes unreadable from where she was. Pearl bit her lip, hard. Of course she didn’t want Peridot to get hurt, they had become good friends after all, but it seemed like a sin to deny another pearl the catharsis that she’d felt punching the tiny gem. Of course she’d intervene if things got out of hand, but if Garnet didn’t object either then she wasn’t going to stop it.

Rose had often taken a similar approach to infighting during the war – ‘sometimes gems just need to punch it out and get it out of their system before any meaningful reconciliation can take place’ she’d always said, with a strange smile. Pearl hadn’t believed her when she first heard it, but the results, at least in some cases, spoke for themselves. Of course the gems that were involved still got punished for fighting, but shared punishment seemed to bond them further and almost everyone agreed that Rose was always fair at least. Pearl could only hope that once in again, in a situation like this, they could live up to all that Rose stood for.

Peridot took a deep breath and steeled herself. Maybe she deserved it after all. And if it helped make things better then she could handle one punch. She’d done it before. “Go ahead, I’m ready.” There wasn’t an ounce of bitterness in Peridot’s voice and she hoped that she’d made her friends proud.

Yellow pulled her fist back even further, let it fly – and stopped just before she made contact with Peridot’s face. “I can’t.” Yellow’s vision swam, and she wobbled dizzily.

“It’s alright, really. I understand. If this is what you need to move on, then I’m here for you,” Peridot tried to give a bashful smile, shrugging just so she’d have something for her hands to do.

That did it. Yellow dropped Peridot, who hit the ground with a whump and a groan, and bawled, wailing like a human baby. Her cheeks grew green with embarrassment and sadness, nose running along with the long tracts of tears streaming down her face. It was humiliating, especially for a pearl of her supposed class and disposition. She was not supposed to feel like this. She was supposed to be the ruthless one, like her diamond.

This time it was Pearl who pulled her into a hug, fierce and strong, her sinewy arms squeezing her so tightly she thought – hoped, really, it would be better for everyone – that she might shatter. Blue came around behind her, wrapping her arms around both of them, whispering to her. Both of them were speaking, but she couldn’t hear a word, her artificial blood screaming and pounding behind her head. But she matched herself to their breathing, grasping for its lifeline and raggedly sewed herself back together.

Slowly the three of them made their awkward, ungainly way back to the couch, uncaring of the atmosphere the rest of the parties were feeling. Blue and Pearl maneuvered Yellow back onto the couch, and Pearl pulled another handkerchief from her namesake – and Yellow was amused, in the back of her mind, at all the manner of useless things she kept in there – and handed it to her. Yellow nearly ripped it from her grasp trying to smother her whole face in it and hide. When she finally deemed herself respectable again, she was surprised to see Pearl wiping her eyes own and smiling crookedly.

“I’m so proud of you, Yellow. We all are,” Pearl said, and behind her Steven was nodding frantically. 

Yellow didn’t feel proud. “I’m just so angry still,” she whispered, pulling Pearl into a hug again. Belatedly she realized she had initiated the affection, but was too shook up to berate herself. She wondered if this would be the same as the times she’d done this before the war, when Pearl had recognized her pride and let her keep it, allowing her to get away with never mentioning the times she needed help or advice.

“I don’t doubt you are. My first days were much the same,” Pearl whispered back, then slowly pulled away.

“Well, I mean, I’d never have been able to stop myself if you hadn’t have changed her opinion of us when you punched her in the face,” Yellow quipped, voice regaining its haughty tone. “So we’re just as proud of you. That is, by far, my favorite of all the crazy things you’ve done.”

“How did you know about that?” Peridot asked, picking herself off the floor just in time to ask what had popped into everyone’s minds.

“You said she knew about this!” Yellow shouted turning on Blue who didn’t even flinch.

“I. Thought. She. Did.”

“Well, evidently she didn’t. You’re telling me you didn’t suspect in the slightest that she had no idea?”

Blue had the good sense to look ashamed at that accusation. “If I had entertained that thought in the slightest there wouldn’t have been a second rebellion. We needed it. Fuck, _I_ needed it Yellow!” – Pearl was too shocked by this sudden argument to correct Blue on her language which was only adding to the shock. Blue swore even less than she did, which was definitely saying something. – “If that makes me selfish then I will gladly bear the burden of that selfishness because at least it’s mine! I decided long ago I’d gladly take any sin upon myself for the chance at the same freedom Pearl got, even if it meant I spent the rest of that freedom atoning for my sins! It means that you don’t have to.”

“Don’t you dare pull that knight shit on me! We both know I’ve done just as bad as you, and you saw the toxic effects that attitude had on Connie!” Yellow shouted back.

“Enough,” Garnet commanded gruffly, not even having to raise her voice. Blue and Yellow backed down, sick with shame and unable to look at each other. Pinky was the only one in the whole room who seemed altogether unfazed and possibly even bored.

“Alright,” Pearl said, finally finding her voice, shaky though it was. “I think you two should explain. I’ve been ignoring it since you got in, since I’m happy to see both alive, but we all noticed. You know a lot of things that you shouldn’t. And we want to know why.”

Everyone nodded in agreement and Garnet tensed noticeably. Pearl didn’t begrudge her that. Their family was still so small that precautions were a necessity. She caught Connie’s eye and could see the calculated gleam there, as she tried to figure out how fast she could reach her sword if she had to. Pearl’s gut told her they hadn’t been tricked, but her head welcomed the precautions the others were taking.

Pinky rolled her eyes, and interrupted both Blue and Yellow to ask, “You honestly know nothing about the consciousness sharing ability that practically every single pearl on Homeworld has access to?”

“No…” Pearl gulped, fiddling with her hands.

“Pearl and I were made only a few hundred years apart, Pinky. The diamonds had just begun experimenting with that ability in gems, and so not everyone that had the ability even knew about it. It’s insidious like that. I…. I used to spy on other pearls for my diamond, revealing traitors for shattering.”

“We’ve all done things we aren’t proud of,” Pinky murmured.

“You’re a good gem, Blue.” Yellow butted in, “And anyone who says otherwise can answer to me.” 

“So what you’re saying is…” Pearl gestured with her hands, gears spinning in her brain, the pieces of the puzzle she’d been given starting to form together.

“We know everything about you,” Blue started.

Yellow picked up the thread. “Your triumphs, your growth, your failures, your embarassments,”

“Your greatest loves, the people you’ve hated, the ones you’ve learned not to hate, every story of the thousands of years since you left Homeword that makes you, you. We know them. We’ve watched them.” Pinky finished the sentence, oddly sentimental.

“You’ve been the inspiration for the hundreds of pearls that suffered on Homeworld. At first they put you on a pedestal, but that changed very quickly, the more we watched. But you also grew, you became someone else, Pearl,” Blue took Pearl’s hands in her own, trying to stop her from freaking out, even though it seemed like her eyes had glazed over from shock for most of the speech. “That you could make so many mistakes and overcome them, only made their conviction stronger, only made them want that freedom even more. We didn’t just watch though. We _remembered._ ”

Yellow stepped forward here, pulling the tale back to her. “Since most pearls were used to carry messages or information from gem to gem, it was difficult to keep those memories alive. If the diamonds had wanted to, they could’ve probed into any one of our minds, found out the slivers of hope we held onto and shattered us all. We each got an inch, one tiny inch they could not touch, that we would not give them. We filled these inches with the stories of you we thought were most important. Each of us carried a small one, so when together we could share them, and have hope. We kept them so we could show new pearls the fearless Renegade, the Pearl, the one who made it out.”

“Basically anything you saw, any memory you made, the rest of us could access. The diamonds thought it up long ago as a way for pearls to coordinate their masters’ wishes and desires more easily, without even needing to speak or send a message. It was also an incredibly effective form of behavior control. It takes decades to learn how guard yourself properly, but only years to use against someone else. You never knew who was watching. They were trying to make even more perfect toys. Their greatest folly was assuming that we’d never misuse such a privilege.”

“I need to sit down,” Pearl gabbled. Sheena led her back to the couch, pulling her next to her, with an arm around her shoulders.

Amethyst lost it, laughing so hard she nearly choked, eventually managing to wheeze out, “Holy shit, Pearl. You have a crazy fan club. And they know every stupid and embarrassing thing you’ve ever done.”

“Amethyst.” Garnet scolded her coldly, and Amethyst realized that Pearl was making That Face. The one where she hid her face in her hand and tried to pretend that she wasn’t falling apart on the inside. So it wasn’t as funny as she thought, big deal. Pearl had handled worse.  

“Yes, I suppose that is the case.” Pearl replied with a long empty sigh. Amethyst felt her gut twist. She didn’t enjoy making Pearl feel bad, not anymore. But she didn’t know any other way than humor in situations like these. The room lapsed into awkward silence after that. Pearl decided the best course of action was to bury her turquoise cheeks into Sheena’s shoulder. Sheena decided the best response to that was to pull Pearl into her lap. After all, she couldn’t get any more embarrassed than she already was.

When several minutes had passed and it seemed like Pearl was intent on staying where she was, Steven let the question he’d been holding back burst out. “Which one did you choose?”

“What?” the three pearls asked in unison.

“Which memory did you each keep? You said you each had one?” Steven’s eyes were starry. He had so many other questions, but this one seemed much nicer. And, perhaps selfishly, he hoped he might get to learn something new about Pearl too.

This drew Pearl from her brooding hiding place, lifting her head just high enough that could she peek out and see what was happening, but also stubbornly shove her face away again if she had to. It was impossible to not be just a little curious about what they might’ve chosen.

“You already know mine, so I’ll go first,” Yellow said gleefully, standing up to better show off.

From her gem a soft yellow projection unfolded itself and then flickered, before coming into sharp focus. A scene that was familiar to everyone but Lapis, Connie and Sheena played out, saturated yellow and without sound. Steven quietly spoke the words, filling them in with a huge measure of pride. It started with the robot fight, and Connie cheered when Pearl punched Peridot in the face and ended with Steven’s speech about how amazing she was. After it was over the projection wobbled, flickered and folded away.

Yellow gave an arrogant curtsy and then returned to where she had been sitting without a word. Pearl couldn’t help the little, foolish smile on her face. It was nice to hear Steven say those words again.

“Dayum, Pearl. You really socked her good! I’m sorry I missed that. Cute spacesuit too,” Sheena chuckled warmly, arms wrapped securely around Pearl’s waist.

“Thank you, Sheena,” Pearl said, blushing again, because she always blushed at her compliments, even after five years together.

Yellow and Blue weren’t smiling, but they weren’t frowning either as they watched Pearl and Sheena interact. Steven found he couldn’t quite place the emotions that were on their faces. Or maybe he just didn’t want to.

“Just doing things because Steven asks us to is silly,” Pinky huffed. “But I suppose I’ll go next.”

The pink filter of the projection made everything look cloudy and cotton candy. Through the pink tint, Steven could barely make out a rose, and then Pearl reaching for it. All at once it rushed back to him, as deep and personal as the day he was first there. When the first notes of Pearl’s lament from that night in Empire city hit him, Steven deflated a bit. Pearl looked similar, caught somewhere between aching nostalgia and mortification.

The awkwardness of the moment was not lost on everyone else present, but Steven couldn’t bring himself to tell Pinky to stop. He kept glancing from the projection Pearl, flipping, spinning and grieving, to the real Pearl, eyes clenched shut, hands gripping Sheena’s as if that could shut the memories off. Steven had replayed that scene many times in his head in the nights following their ‘vacation’. When the projection Pearl talk about ‘being there for her son’ he winced again. He’d forgotten just how much raw _pain_ Pearl had been in, wondering, begging for it to finally be over, until she threw the rose straight up and the wind stole it from returning to her grasp. Sheena looked sad, but not angry, and whispered something to Pearl as she petted her hair.

“Impressive balance,” Peridot muttered, and then clapped her hands over her mouth when she realized she’d broken the silence.

Pinky opened her eyes finally, the projection winking quickly out of existence and realized that the dramatic shift in mood was her fault. Blue and Yellow avoided her gaze when she looked to them for help. With a defiant set of her chin, Pinky crossed her arms and huffed.

“I have my reasons. You shouldn’t have asked if you weren’t going to be able to handle my choice. I don’t owe you an explanation.”

Yellow was glaring daggers at Pinky and gesturing for her to stop talking immediately before she dug herself into a hole so deep she’d hit the Cluster. It was a long time before anyone spoke again, all of them too busy parsing out their feelings to be concerned with anything else.

When Blue cleared her throat, Pearl took a shaky breath, wiped away the moisture at the corner of her eye, and met the gaze of the other gem. They still had a lot to talk about after all. She could cry later. Blue stood, awkwardly, primly, hands folded in front of her. 

“I suppose I should show you my choice, since it’s relevant to the second rebellion,” Blue said.

Once again, through the blue haze of the projection, Steven recognized the scene playing out before him. Only this time, it was Blue who sang along with the words, Steven mouthing them under his breath. It took only ten seconds for Sheena to decide that this was her favorite of the three and that she was so thankful to Blue for choosing this. It shouldn’t have surprised her that Pearl could look so graceful and alive while folding laundry and singing of all things, but it did. It was an amazing contrast, the Pearl in the projection, wondering and hoping that Steven would see the kind of strength she had, and the Pearl she held in her arms, who knew she was strong and expressive and alive and never backed down from showing it.

Amethyst couldn’t help herself when the song finally faded out and quipped, “Dang P, you had an entire angsty song about the Sugilite incident?”

This time though, Pearl laughed. And it was real, genuine and so welcome to Steven’s ears. “I suppose it was maybe, just a tiny bit… angsty. But that was more than five years ago now. Bridge underwater, as the humans say.” Sheena laughed too hard to correct her.

Blue waited patiently for the noise to die down again and then spoke, “That one’s my favorite because it is everything you are to the rebellion Pearl. You’re strong in the real way. You inspire us, and when you talk you light a fire in us! It’s a fire that was burning for a long time, even if we were too scared to do anything with that fire.”

“When you left, everything hurt, and it hurt every day for the three hundred and twenty five days it took until I saw you again, when you attacked Blue diamond’s palanquin and Garnet formed for the first time. It wasn’t until then that I realized, that it hurt so much because I chose not to go with you. There have been many day where I wish I made a different choice. Seventy five years after that, Yellow finally confessed to our mutual long held affection and I thought I finally understood why you left.”

By the time Blue had finished her sentence she was close to crying, and so Yellow took her place and continued for her. “Blue and I saw each other maybe once every one hundred years, but that did little to change our feelings for each other. It was nearly a thousand years after you left, right as the war was ending before we got the courage to acknowledge that we wanted the thing you had. But by then it was too late to simply run away, once the war ended the diamonds imposed incredibly strict, harsh measures so that there could never be another rebellion. A lot of gems suffered and so for another half a millennium, their measures worked.”

“But pearls have always been liars,” Pinky interrupted bitterly. “and damn good ones at that. Schooling themselves to have no feelings, holding rebellion in the deepest parts of their heart. Cursing their owners behind their backs, it was they who met together in passing, sometimes trading only glances, inspired by the Renegade who’d made such a stir, that started the second rebellion on its feet. A thousand years after the war, a young pearl came to me and whispered that she’d managed to peer far through the veil of the cosmos to a strange pearl and a strange planet. At first there was fear, but then there was obsession. It took another three hundred years after that to coordinate a meeting between myself and Yellow. She was a diamond’s pearl after all. That’s when things became really interesting.”

Yellow smirked at Steven, whose eyes had blown wide, his brain trying to comprehend the massive time scale they were talking about. “A secret rebellion that only makes progress every several hundred years may seem slow to someone with as short a life span as a human, but I assure you, for us things moved very quickly indeed. And we were willing to wait as long as we had to, because our first try would be our only try. The diamonds, and many upper crust gems, enjoyed gatherings for ‘thinking’ and discussing and all manner of illicit things only those with the power to subjugate others could get away with. These meetings were so secret, that even their pearls were not to be in attendance. During these rare occasions, we shared and we planned. Anyone who couldn’t attend, would have the information passed to them eventually. Many of the basic functions of Homeworld work because of pearls and the assumption that they don’t have a brain enough to sabotage those functions. We had pearls waylaying weapons, stealing wires or buttons, or one of many of the things they held, little things here and there, things that wouldn’t be checked, wouldn’t be missed. Dancing could turn into fighting and cleaning into spatial practice. We even convinced a few rubies and peridots to join our cause and an entire group of Earth born Amethysts!”

“The Prime Kindergarten!” Amethyst shouted, “My sisters helped with the second rebellion!”

“There were a few Beta’s too.”

“Oh man, I gotta meet them, that’s so hardcore!”

“Well, there’s still a lot of clean-up to do, and a lot of instability, but maybe someday.”

“What do you mean instability?” Steven asked suddenly.

Connie answered quickly with, “I imagine that many of the gems that benefitted from such a highly structured system and are now being forced to do things for themselves, without slaves, are vying for power to re-establish the status quo.”

“I’m studying revolutions in my World Government class at university,” Connie provided as way of explanation when everyone in the room cast sidelong glances at her guess.

“Exactly right,” Pinky admitted.

“Pearl Point!” Pearl interjected, and the household laughed, just a little.

“The rebellion was more like a coup,” Blue explained, “which we were forced to start after Peridot’s insulting message, as you know. Removing Yellow from that situation alerted the diamonds to some sort of plot but they had no idea what had really been set into motion. Things got stricter then. Communication was harder. Homeworld’s already strained resources nearly hit a breaking point. We managed to find out that you stopped the Cluster, and waylaid the information from reaching Yellow Diamond. Things moved frustratingly slowly as we tried to keep our lines open and hopeful. That’s why so many of the memories we’ve held are recent ones, we needed something during that time to hope for. Blue Diamond was off planet, so we couldn’t just move forward until they were all back. We had to take them swiftly, all at once. We’d only have one chance. I remember that year and a bit more vividly than many of the centuries I’ve been alive.”

“When Blue Diamond returned from visiting your planet, we went no contact, and made our move,” Pinky smiled, “The last thing we saw before we stopped looking was you guys stopping Steven from interrupting Blue’s visit. So if anything incredibly important or embarrassing happened to you since then, you can be thankful, because we don’t know about it. It’s been too risky to try any sort of non-verbal communication since the coup started.”

The fact that Pearl was incredibly relieved about that spoke volumes to all that Yellow, Blue and Pinky had not seen during those years.

“It was quick and decisive, but losses were heavy on both sides. We’ve been spending most of the last five years since then defending what we’ve won, rebuilding everything that was destroyed, including the Galaxy Warps, and trying to figure out how to run gem society now that the status quo has been so fundamentally broken. The ships and Warps were just recently fixed and there are a lot gems hoping to start a new life here, on this planet you saved. A lot of pearls that want to meet you: the reason they’re free at all. It’s a pilgrimage. Especially since Earth has been declared a gem sanctuary and is off limits for fighting for anyone. You’ll probably see hundreds pass your way before even a half a millennium has gone by.”

“So you’re refugees then?” Connie asked.

“Sort of,” Yellow replied. “Blue and I are tired of fighting, there’s enough pearls and amethysts and rubies and others too, that believe in the cause. They can wage war. We came here to rest. To find you. Blue wanted to…. I wanted to…. see Pearl again. And now that we’re free we don’t know what to do. Thought you might, you know, since you took in Lapis Lazuli and Facet-2F5L Cut 5XG.”

All three of them did look tired. But it was beyond the kind of tiredness that sleeping could fix. It was etched so deeply inside of them that would take a lot of time and care to even begin to untwist the tiredness from within them. Steven wanted to try though.

“What did you do with the Diamonds?” Steven blurted suddenly, as the realization hit him hard.

“We poofed and bubbled them, Steven,” Blue replied fondly, her gem glowing in unison with Yellow and Pinky’s.

From their gems they each pulled a bubble, a perfect diamond resting quietly within. The energy they radiated was intense even from within the hazy confines of their comfortable prison.

“You’ve been keeping them in your gems?” Pearl screeched, jumping out of Sheena’s embrace to try and grab the bubbles from the others. “Do you have any idea what that could do to you? Of course you don’t, even I don’t know what the side effects could be, but having another gem in yours cannot be good, bubbled or not!”

Pinky covered her ears with her hands, as Pearl’s voice became shriller, the pink bubble she’d been holding slowly and gently starting to float to the ceiling. In a flash, Garnet was holding it carefully in her hands, as Pearl tried to fuss over Blue and Yellow, who were doing their best to keep hold of their respective bubbles.

“Pearl, please,” Blue said, and Pearl stopped immediately, wringing her hands guiltily. “What’s done is done. We’ll worry about the side effects later, the important thing is that the bubbles are somewhere safe.”

“Besides,” Yellow interrupted, “they were only in our gems for the journey here, which was quite short, since we took the newly repaired warps. Our gems were the only way to get them here in secret. There are many gems who would love to see the diamonds come back and all it would take is the popping of one of those bubbles. We barely managed to poof them the first time.”

“We’ll keep them safe,” Steven promised, solemnly, and Garnet nodded behind him, as he took the bubble Blue had been holding. Even just one felt heavy in her hands. It was terrifying, the latent power that the tiny, pink bubble held. Garnet felt a small shudder ripple through her. She didn’t need future vision to know what would happen if one of them popped.

“If you ask me, we should’ve shattered them,” Pinky muttered darkly, as she lowered her hands.

“If we do that, then we’re no better than them. I’m a pearl, not a diamond and I will not be shattering anyone!” Blue shouted fiercely as Yellow looked on proudly.

“Even after everything they did to you?” Pinky asked, in a tone that sounded so genuinely confused and sad that Steven’s heart broke all over again for all of them. “Millennia after millennia of abuse and you’re just going to let them stay comfortably in their gems? And what about Pearl, doesn’t she have a say? She belonged to White Diamon –“

Yellow lunged across the room, Peridot jumping to keep her bubble from slipping away, slapping her hand over Pinky’s mouth, but it was too late. Everyone in the room – except Sheena, Steven realized – stared at Pearl, shock and pity playing across their features. Pearl hated it.

“Pearl didn’t tell anyone,” Yellow supplied helpfully, and Pinky shook her head in shock, trying to wiggle out of Yellow’s grasp.

“Except Sheena,” Pearl admitted, shame coloring her cheeks blue, as she stared at the floor, arms crossed tightly over her stomach.

“Why her?” It took Pearl a minute to process that it was Amethyst that asked, as she tried to fight off every instinct that was screaming at her to run and hide so she’d never have to talk about this.

“It was after Steven’s dream about the palanquin. When I had started dating Sheena I went to Greg for advice. He’s the only human that dated a gem before. And he said that the thing that created the most distance between him and Rose, was the past. He wanted to know, even the ugly things, felt he deserved to know. Rose never told him everything. When you asked Steven,” Pearl looked up, finally meeting Steven’s gaze and tried not to flinch at the stoniness she found there. His face grew unreadable. “I nearly broke down. And Garnet was so scared. I never wanted to tell you this. I didn’t, don’t, know what you’ll think, even though that thought is silly. I know it’s silly. You were barely fifteen, I didn’t want to burden you with that knowledge! And you know how I am, you’ve always seemed so much younger than you are, to me. I told Sheena after that, because I realized how right Greg was. That distance would always be between us unless I told her.”

“Pearl.” Steven stopped her rant with a hand. He waited for Sheena to wrap an arm around her comfortingly before continuing. “I want to know too. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I stopped asking because you and Garnet hurt so much, but I want to bridge that distance between us too. I’m twenty now. Please.”

“I tell you everything,” he added in gently, when it looked like Pearl was going to say no.

“No, you don’t.” Garnet smirked.

“What do you mean?”

“Steven, you had a hickey the size of a golf ball on your neck last week! We all noticed!” Pearl shouted.

“You’ve just been waiting to bring that up, haven’t you, Pearl?” Amethyst laughed hard, as Steven blushed.

“I told you to use more concealer,” Connie sighed.

“I tell you all the really important things,” Steven snapped out, unwilling to let Pearl deflect the conversation away from his questions. He was tired of not asking.

Pearl took several deep breaths and wiped at the corner of her eyes. “You’re right, Steven. I’m sorry. You deserve better. Homeworld has changed, and you are all going to meet other gems from there. And if they’re going to be talking about me, I’d rather you hear the truth from me first, instead of them.”

“Are you okay with me being here?” Connie asked, and Pearl thought again how wonderful this human was.

“Yes, you can stay, Connie. You’re practically family anyways. What is it you always say to Steven?”

“I want to be a part of your universe.”

“Then stay and be a part of it.”

“Thank you, ma’am.”

“You really didn’t know, Garnet?” Steven asked.

“Pearl and I have had an unspoken agreement, since we met, to never discuss what our lives were like before either of us met Rose. Sapphire did some things she’s not proud of before she met Ruby.”

“Like what?” Peridot asked, through the fingers Lapis had put tried to put over her mouth to keep her from saying anything too stupid. Things were getting tenser than she liked, and she didn’t need Peridot making it worse. But she knew how her much her little green companion looked up to Garnet, so she was curious too.

Garnet raised an eyebrow, and crossed her arms, silent and stoic in the face of Peridot’s question. Even Pearl seemed to be holding her breath. The air thickened with tension.

“Don’t pull that strong, silent type bullshit, Garnet,” Amethyst growled, shapeshifting to be level with Garnet’s eyes, and jabbing her on the nose as she spoke. “If we’re making Pearl spill her guts, then you damn well better too.”

“Fine!” Garnet growled, punching the wall nearest to her. The house shook a little, but thankfully nothing fell. “Sapphire owned a pearl. She lived a privileged life, and never questioned it for a second, complicit in the suffering of others simply because it didn’t affect her.”

Garnet stalked across the living room, picked up Steven’s phone where he had left it charging in the kitchen and roughly shoved it into the hand that wasn’t holding a bubble. “Order some pizza.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re going to get hungry. And the story Pearl is about to tell is not a happy one.” Garnet cast an angry scowl in Amethyst’s direction, and slammed down on the couch, radiating anger and scowling at the bubble she still held in one hand. And Steven did as he was told, hoping the hot food might cool a little of the angry tension that had so suddenly filled the house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus, Chapter 2! I didn't expect this chapter to be almost twice the length of the first, but there were a lot of important things I wanted to include, so it just kept growing! Hope you enjoyed it. Chapter 3: Pearl reveals her past as the slave of White Diamond.
> 
> Please read, review and critique, it feeds the writer!


	3. White Diamond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pearl recounts her time on Homeworld.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter this time! It's a little late for the schedule I had planned, but things kept getting in the way, and it ended taking longer than I expected. Anyways, here it is finally!

Connie put the bubbled diamonds on Steven’s bed while he called for pizza, surprised by the warmth they gave off. Outside the sun was sinking towards the horizon and Connie pondered again how quickly things could change in only a few hours. Only a few hours, and suddenly they held the three most dangerous gems in all the universe on Steven’s bed! A hard shiver passed up Connie’s spine. Steven had always been too kind, didn’t believe in the evil Connie was studying in university. There was always the chance he might try something with the diamonds. Perhaps, when things were finally normal enough for them to worry about the bubbled diamonds – Garnet was refusing to speak to anyone, angrily watching Pearl as she pondered Rose’s picture and tried not to lose her nerve – she could help keep Steven busy while his guardians hid them somewhere so deep and secret that he would never find them. It wouldn’t be a lie that way, and, when the deed was done, she would tell him freely that she had helped. The look that Pinky had given the others, so sure that shattering was the only option, drove home that perhaps there were some gems that did not deserve a second chance.

It would hurt Steven, when they did it, and Connie ground her fingernails into her palm. There was a circular logic to it, degrees to pain and suffering, Connie thought. It would cut Steven, deeply, their lack of trust and faith in him. But the alternative was a degree of pain that Connie felt was unfathomable. From what little Connie knew of the diamonds, she could see what would happen if they got out of their bubbles as clear and shining as the paths of fate the one time Garnet had shared her future vision with her. For the safety of this family she’d helped make, and the three newcomers to the little home they’d so carefully grown, Connie would make sure that the diamonds never came back, with or without Steven. In her mind, Connie shaped her image of them to become screeching, terrifying visions of fear and vileness. It made it easier to justify their endless imprisonment.

The full weight of their sentence descended on her, and she sank to sit on Steven’s bed, watching him stare morosely at the screen door from his perch at the island stools. A lifetime in prison meant something more when that lifetime was practically endless. Once again, Connie felt a little of that alien distance creep back again and wondered if perhaps, even with fusion, if there would always be a part of him that she simply couldn’t bridge the distance to. Connie turned her head to Sheena, who had taken up residence on the side of the couch farthest from Garnet, and saw the same thoughts flashing through her eyes as she stared at Pearl. They’d talked at length about that very thought, sometimes including Greg into their conversations, the three humans leaning on each other each time they were reminded of the alieness of their loved ones. Connie took a breath and meditated for a moment, recalling Garnet’s instructions from so long ago. There was a space between them, but Connie decided to let it stay, for a while at least. It would offer the comfort she could not. Maybe someday she could cross that final distance. There were a lot of somedays that Steven had promised her.

Tearing her gaze from Steven, Connie turned to watch Pearl as well. It wasn’t unexpected that during a moment of such tense feelings and stress that Pearl would turn to what had been the one constant in her incredibly long life for eons: Rose Quartz. It was Pearl’s turn to be a leader now, and perhaps she thought that even looking at Rose might grant her the strength she sometimes forgot she already possessed.

Eventually, Blue, quiet as a mouse, stood beside Pearl, staring up at the picture with her. Neither spoke, but they didn’t need to. Pearl knew what was coming next as surely as she knew the sun would rise in the morning. Blue stuck out her hand, Pearl already reaching for it, eons of time apart having done nothing to dull the aching familiarity of the action. Pearl couldn’t recall precisely who had reached for the other, that very first time, standing together in White Diamond’s court, watching their masters converse. They took solace in a brief moment’s touch, conveying through the liquid pulse of their connecting hands everything they couldn’t say with words. The electricity Pearl felt when she took Blue’s hand again was different – they were different – but still warm, and still kind. Blue took a moment to wiggle their fingers together, twining their hands like lovers. Before they even knew that one could love themself, they had loved each other. For many long minutes Connie watched Pearl cry, open and ugly, mouth wide as tears and snot dribbled down her face, holding Blue’s hand all the while, both of their eyes never leaving Rose. And it was so achingly human to see that Connie forgot all about the distance she had feared. None of them were really so different after all.

When Garnet brushed past the two of them, and pushed the door open Pearl finally found the strength to pull her hand away from Blue’s and compose herself. The low sound of Garnet’s voice from where she had intercepted the pizza delivery outside the door to save Pearl the indignity of Onion – who had taken the job when both Kiki and Jenny went out of state for school – seeing her crying washed over the silent beach house, lifting just slightly the mood of everyone present.

The pizza had a gravity all its own and the moment Garnet put the stack on the table in front of the couch, forgoing plates altogether, everyone in the beach house was drawn to it. Steven’s stomach growled, and he suddenly realized how hungry he was. It wasn’t even a question that Pearl would end up sitting between Steven and Sheena, but she lingered on the periphery of the group all the same, still as uncomfortable as ever with food. Peridot was equally put out, but didn’t seem to mind sitting behind Lapis on the top of the couch this time. As he ate, Steven thought that he had never fully appreciated the concept of ‘comfort food’ before.

“There were four of us,” Pearl started suddenly, slowly making her way to the couch. She had to start talking soon or she’d never be able to do it. From her gem she started the projection, images flickering wildly before coming into soft focus. “White Diamond was above even the other diamonds. She liked to pretend they were equal, but they knew better. The other diamonds were allowed one pearl, the best of the best that could be commissioned. White Diamond had four made in her image.”

“I was her favorite,” Pearl muttered, without pride or satisfaction. Gracelessly she sat in the small space between Steven and Sheena, and made herself smaller as she tried to keep from touching either of them.

“The other three each had a specific purpose, one for dancing and singing for her, one to hold her things, take communications and a third to do all other tasks she needed. But I was special. From the moment I came into being, I was told I was defective. And that’s why she used me for whatever purpose suited her fancy at any moment. It amused her to watch me struggle and try.”

The four pearls that appeared in the projection were all almost exactly the same, but Steven found if he squinted he could pick out their Pearl, with her oval shaped gem prominently displayed compared to the circular one on the foreheads of the other three. Of course the first image was strange, Pearl’s hair was snowy white, her eyes dull and lifeless and Steven looked to his left to make sure, that yes, his Pearl, the one he knows and loves, is right beside him, but that isn’t what throws him off balance about the image. The realization is slow, but his brain manages to get there. The images they are seeing shouldn’t be detached, third person, but Steven suspects that that is how Pearl remembers it, that the   lifeless gem in that memory is someone else, not actually her from so long ago. Sometimes, Steven dreams the same way, and is thankful, for those dreams, where he’s watching himself outside his body, are always the most painful of all.

The pearls in the image began to move and Steven got a better look at them. The four of them wore outfits that were simultaneously provocative and conservative all at once, all pure white, with long detailed sleeves, which ended in sheer fabric at the wrist, a deep plunging neckline, gaudy and somewhat gauzy and, similarly to Blue and Yellow, leotards that covered uncomfortably little, with no socks or sheer skirts to otherwise distract the eye. Their legs and feet were bare, devoid of any sort of shoes. The entire outfit sparkled, and there were diamonds cut out of the fabric as much as possible while still retaining some decency.  Pearl itched all over just seeing the image again. She’d hated that outfit, hated the way other gems had looked at her when wearing it.

Pearl fought past the shameful blush boiling on her face at the memory. It took everything she had to remind herself that that was the past, she could wear whatever she wanted now, physical clothes or otherwise. The four pearls in the image danced to silence, synchronized and perfect. For half a minute they danced, and all seemed well, but one of the other three wobbled so slightly Steven thought he missed it, until White Diamond snapped her head around from where she had been observing something else and eyed the four of them critically. 

“Pearl, come here!” commanded White Diamond.

“Yes, my Diamond.”

There was a resounding crack and it took Steven a moment to figure out what he had seen. Pearl smacked the wall hard in the projection, a bored smile on the face of White Diamond as she pulled her hand back from swatting Pearl like a fly.

“I was often punished for the others. It wasn’t as though she couldn’t just have another pearl made, but that took time, and so it was better if her three most useful pearls remained untouched as often as possible.”

In the projection Pearl slumped against the wall for only a second and then she was up, grace and beauty, turning to face White Diamond again, eyes empty. White Diamond rolled her eyes and turned back to the unseen thing she had been looking at; Pearl didn’t move.

“Did she hurt you every day, Pearl?” Steven asked, voice breaking.

“All pearls hurt, Steven. All the time. Whether their masters hit them or not.” Pearl faltered when she saw the horrified look on Steven’s face and sighed.

“Don’t apologize,” Steven suddenly snapped. “I want you to tell me.”

Pearl swallowed down the apology and bit back her retort. “Sometimes it would be weeks between her hitting me. Other days she beat me until I could barely stand. There was never a reason for it, she just liked to show off the control she had over others.” The scene in Pearl’s projection changed, showing her bruised and broken on the floor, but pulling herself up again and again. Behind the emptiness in her eyes there was defiance.

“I didn’t often get poofed, thankfully, because then she took out her moods on the other pearls until I regenerated. They didn’t get back up after being hit, not like I did. I was defective. But sometimes she’d wait until I regenerated and hit me so hard again that she’d send me right back into my gem.” 

Steven gripped his knees tightly with his hands. He couldn’t remember ever hurting this much before, and thought he’d much rather be taking the punches of a Gem mutant to this. But he refused to run away when he’d been the one to ask in the first place.

“Don’t apologize,” Pearl threw the line back at him, though her tone was gentle, when he turned to her, eyes teary. For a long, long minute Steven wished he was small again and could crawl into Pearl’s lap and cry into her shoulder and stop being an adult, because it hurt too much to see the things that she had gone through. It hurt to hear her cold, clinical retelling, as if it was it was too painful to talk about except as if it was something felt by someone else. Steven wanted to be as small as he felt inside. Even he didn’t notice as his body involuntarily began to shrink and change to match his mood.

“That was my existence for almost two thousand years. And then I met Rose Quartz. And I hated her for a century.”

“Hold up,” Amethyst said, breaking the tension. Pearl pursed her lips at her, mouth almost in a sneer. “You hated Rose Quartz?”

“At first. It certainly wasn’t love at first sight. It’s… complicated. But don’t think I didn’t love her. For nearly six thousand years I loved her! And –“

“Chill, P.” Amethyst spoke spikily, and Pearl stopped. “Everything is complicated. But I know. We know. You don’t have to prove to me that you loved her. You have a girlfriend now, though, remember.”

Pearl wanted to snap. The elastic tension of her nerves was already stretched taut, but Amethyst seemed intent on poking at her most vulnerable spots. The sensible part of her brain reminded her that most wounds need air and exposure once they were cleaned to heal. Hiding them away would just make things worse. Instead of exploding Pearl embraced it, allowing her wounds to feel the burn of being cleaned.

“She remembers, Amethyst,” Sheena muttered, quietly, rubbing small circles on Pearl’s back. Pearl flinched at first at the sudden contact, but then allowed herself to take whatever small comfort she could from Sheena’s touch.

Steven’s pupils were blown wide as he stared at Pearl, the entire picture of her being repainted in his mind. A puzzle piece he hadn’t even realized he’d been missing slotted into place. “You hated mom?”

“Yes. But Rose and I also didn’t speak of what things were like before we ran away together. We were both very different gems back then,” Pearl explained, some of the clinicalness gone from her voice as she talked about Rose.

Steven put his hand on Pearl’s shoulder gently, twisting slightly so they were face to face. He felt deathly serious for a moment and Pearl seemed smaller and farther away than she ever had. Was it even possible to bridge the distance between the two of them? Steven buried that thought as soon as he had it. “Please, tell me why.”

Pearl couldn’t deny a request that earnest, and so she took a breath and plunged onward. Her projection flickered from the image it had stopped on before, and changed slowly. It zoomed out to take in White Diamond’s court, and Steven noticed that all four of the pearls had slightly different – though no less suggestive – outfits and longer hair too. The fringe of Pearl’s bangs covered her gem, so that from a distance it was almost impossible to tell that her gem was any different from the others. A sound from the projection drew Steven’s focus and the beach house fell away from him.

 

* * *

 

 

Pearl hadn’t ever seen a ruby with a gem in the middle of her forehead. And Pearl had seen a lot of rubies come through White Diamonds court. This particular one was clearly very new, because she had walked in with a skip in her step, bouncy the way only a self-assured soldier could be and she had _waved,_ of all things, to Pearl and the others, and then flashed a dopey grin. White Diamond had watched with quiet amusement as she bowed low, announcing her presence. She hadn’t been told why she had been summoned, but her body language suggested that she expected it to be something good. It never got easier watching their faces when they realized that they were wrong.

The screams she made echoed in Pearl’s ears long after they had actually ceased, throbbing in her head so loudly that she missed Pink Diamond’s entrance in the grand court. Pink Diamond, like her sisters, was a full head and a half shorter than White Diamond, but she didn’t act like it. Pink Diamond _flounced_ when she walked, face perpetually split with the widest grin. Pearl pushed back her disgust.

“Guess what?” she shrilled in a sing-song tone that was so high pitched it was a miracle nothing shattered.

“Pink,” White Diamond scolded, though her face grew softer as she watched Pink Diamond’s eagerness. White Diamond’s favoritism to the newest diamond she’d created was well known, even amongst the lowest gems. Pearl remembered Blue mentioning it to her the last time they’d had the chance to talk, when Pink Diamond was only a century old. That conversation had been almost two centuries ago, Pearl recalled wistfully.

“I’m very busy with my experiments. I just finished seeing what would happen if I cracked one of the gems of a fusion and not the other. I’m just waiting on another ruby to see if two cracked gems can fuse.”

“Please, My Diamond,” And Pink Diamond pulled out that _tone_ – the one White Diamond simply couldn’t ignore – from her arsenal, and schooled her face into the best pout she could muster.  

“Alright, alright, what?” White Diamond asked playfully, resting her chin on her hand.

Pink Diamond spun, and giggled. When she came around to face White Diamond again she held in her cupped hands a quartz unlike any White Diamond had ever seen before. She was stocky, built well, but soft in ways jaspers and amethysts weren’t, with incredibly curly hair, in the brightest pink imaginable. Her skin was a strange tone, but it suited her well. The gem on her navel shimmered softly.

“This is my new creation, the first one of its kind. A rose quartz! I made her on that planet you gifted me.”

“Excellent, Pink! And what does she do?”

“A lot. She’s as capable as any jasper, although she’s better defensively, can control plants, her rate of descent and most importantly of all: she has healing tears. No more do we have to worry about holding back our best warriors from battle! Her tears can cure even cracked gems.”

“I am thoroughly impressed, My Darling,” White Diamond smiled, genuinely, warm affection bubbling up within her. Pink Diamond was so competent and useful. Clearly her greatest creation yet.

“Well, as you taught me, the best offence,”

“Is a good defence.” White Diamond finished the sentence, becoming more and more pleased as Pink went on.

“Would you like a demonstration, My Diamond?”

“Of course! Pearl! Come here!”

Pearl had just enough time to feel utter terror trickle through her body as she stepped forward automatically, answering “Yes, My Diamond,” and shaping her hands in the appropriate way. Then White Diamond pulled out the massive sword she kept by her throne. It was so large that she simply had to tap the tip against Pearl’s gem to start a deep, deep crack running along it.

Pearl had never felt such agony in her life. She screamed herself raw in a matter of seconds and then kept screaming, her body going warm, then hot, until it felt like she was going to explode into a million tiny shards. She felt her mouth move, but her body wouldn’t listen to her and she pitched forward, while her words garbled backwards. Eventually she could only curl in on herself and whimper through the pain. Dimly she was aware of White Diamond and Pink Diamond talking, and then darkness at the fuzzy edges of her vision creeping to swallow her up. Blue would miss her terribly, she hoped.

Suddenly there was a cool rush of numbness and she realized her gem was wet with tears. Slowly Pearl uncurled herself, and looked up into the sad, tortured eyes of Rose Quartz. All the pain had vanished at once. Pearl raised her hand to her head and carefully touched her gem. She flinched as all she felt was smooth coolness.

“Wonderful!” White Diamond shouted. “It’s so funny. It looks like she actually cares about the defect.”

“It’s unfortunate,” Pink Diamond sighed, “This one cares. She cries about everything. I’m hoping the good batch will not have such a defect.”

“Until then, may I keep this one? I can have another reject for my collection.”

“Of course My Diamond. Only for you.”

“Thank you, Pink. Now I simply must get back to my experiments. It’s not nice to keep gems waiting after all, and I have a ruby that’s been so patient.”

 

* * *

 

 

Steven cried out, and the projection folded away as Pearl’s concentration was broken. Long tracks of tears trailed down his face and he rubbed at his eyes with his fists. Everyone else seemed to be in a similar state of distress. Peridot was clinging to Lapis fiercely, looking like she was trying to force their bodies together as much as humanly possible. Amethyst sniffled and Garnet couldn’t look at Pearl, couldn’t take seeing her best friend cracked again and again in her mind. Sheena was uncomfortable; her second time hearing the story no easier than the first. Pinky tried for a stoic façade, but the tears pricking the corners of her eyes were obvious, and Blue and Yellow, embracing each other, wept openly, recalling the cruelty of their own diamonds. Connie was picking furiously at the skin around her fingernails, a bad habit she’d thought she had quit, and trying desperately to cry, even though she couldn’t. At least that would get the emotion out.

Steven pushed Pearl’s hands down and crawled onto her lap, burying his face into the crook of her neck. Pearl held him and patted his back awkwardly, dimly realizing that he was back to the size he had been at fourteen.

“I’m sorry I upset you,” Pearl soothed, stroking Steven’s hair. “Why don’t we stop for now?”

“No. No,” Steven whined, lifting his head to look Pearl in the eyes. He wiped his nose with the back of his arm and Pearl grimaced and summoned yet another handkerchief from her gem for him.

“Please keep going. I have to know. And – and if you don’t finish now, I’ll never be brave enough again to hear the rest of the story.” Steven wiggled in her lap and turned so he was facing forward. He held Pearl’s hands that wrapped around his stomach in a hug.

“Are you sure, Steven?” Pearl asked, kissing his brow and then resting her chin on his dark curls.

“Please. I have to.”

“Alright, but promise me you’ll tell me if you want to stop?”

“I promise.”

“Alright, let’s continue.”            

 

* * *

               
 Pearl didn’t hate Rose right away. It took a year for it to happen, when White Diamond had cracked her gem for the two hundred and somethingth time, and then commanded Rose Quartz to fix her. That time the white hot pain of her getting cracked didn’t dull as soon as Rose’s tears hit her gem. It stayed like a tiny seed and began to fester. After all Rose was the reason White Diamond didn’t have to be careful with her pearls anymore. The other three got hit more often as well, their bruises or injuries disappearing immediately after thanks to the tears, but as always, Pearl took the worst of it.

When White Diamond got bored of her experiments with the rubies she become much more interested in her little defective pearl, and the defective quartz that cared. Her pearl had quite the will to live. Playing with her before had just been routine, easy and simple to fall back on. Suddenly though, after so many millennium of the same thing it was becoming interesting. It was as though White Diamond had finally, really looked at Pearl. The stakes had changed. What made the pearl want to live so badly? What gave her the will? And what would it take to break it?

Rose Quartz had been in White Diamonds court for two years the first time it happened, and in those two years she’d shed so many tears she’d lost count. Every injury or pain suffered by the gems of White Diamonds court felt fresh and pained her as equally as all those before it. White Diamond commanded her to leave the room, and wait in the closest ante-chamber, telling her she’d know what to do and to come back when it was done. It was a long half hour before Pearl dragged herself in, incoherent and sobbing, gem cracked and pulsing.

Rose lifted her gently, under her armpits, and pulled her into her arms as she cried onto her gem. As it slowly healed, Pearl growled and slapped at her with her hands, pushing away any comfort Rose tried to offer.

By year twenty Pearl had to somehow make her way to the third ante-chamber, crying and aching, holding onto her form with every fiber of her being until she could get to Rose. White Diamond was cracking Pearl less often, but it was worse, because she’d wait until neither of them were prepared and then play her game. Sometimes she sent Rose to the third room, and then let her wait there and sweat, while Pearl had to keep still in her court, only for Rose to be called back with no violence acted upon either of them.

Rose lasted another year before she couldn’t take the silence anymore. “I’m Rose Quartz, Facet-3B2K Cut 1AA.”

Pearl looked back at her with more hate than Rose thought possible for such a tiny gem. She had been just about to head back to the throne room, ready, as always, to stand and wait for White Diamond to do whatever she wanted, but Rose’s voice stopped her.

“I’m sorry that my existence has made yours worse.” Rose said in a tone that Pearl supposed was sincere, but felt sickly sweet and patronizing. Pearl slapped her so hard that her face swelled almost immediately. And then Pearl left her to return to White Diamond, but Rose would swear that she looked slightly more alive than before.

It wasn’t until the twenty fifth year of their routine, practically nothing for gems, that Rose spoke to Pearl again. “Why don’t you fight back? I could teach you! Fighting is part of what I was made for.”

“Are you stupid or just defective?” Pearl snapped, “Pearls don’t fight. I’d be shattered if I did. And so would the others.” Pearl refused to speak to Rose further after that.

When year thirty five rolled around and Pearl was dragging herself to the fifth ante-chamber Rose pulled out a twisted, sharpened piece of metal, hidden in the deep folds of her dress. “Here. I want you to have this. I can teach you. We can fight.”

“And do what?” Pearl sneered, batting away Rose’s outstretched hand.

“Fight. Run away. Go to Pink Diamond’s planet Earth. It’s beautiful there. And Pink Diamond is much kinder than White Diamond. There are these funny creatures there.”

“You really are defective,” Pearl sputtered and would speak no more of it.

Pearl broke by year forty one. She still hated Rose, but considered that there could be mutual benefit to working with her. Rose was delighted when she took the piece of metal – by then, shaped into a knife – and hid it deep in her gem.

Did you know,” Rose started, coming behind Pearl to correct her sloppy stance – she was learning rough, wild fighting, just the things she needed to have a chance – “that the strange Earth creatures can choose their own destiny? Pink Diamond made me partly in their image.”

“Is that why your skin is such an ugly shade of pink?” Pearl commented dryly, quickly fixing her stance. They were careful when it came to pushing their limits. They could only stretch the time they had alone so far before White Diamond became suspicious. It was only thanks to her growing bored at the game that they had any leeway in how long it took them to get back at all. It wasn’t surprising anymore when Pearl came back unshattered, which was most boring of all. But she couldn’t just stop her game, which would be rude to the other players. She’d find a new past time eventually anyways.

It was year fifty and Pearl felt that on an anniversary like that, that she would humor Rose and actually talk to her. Rose only laughed at the verbal jab Pearl had thrown her way, as if she didn’t believe that Pearl was one hundred percent serious in her negative feelings. A tiny, uncomfortable part of her knew that Rose was right. There was something else there. Pearl fibbed it away, focusing on her hate. That was an emotion she understood easily, could pack and unpack with ease, cast it off when she needed to look vapid and empty for White Diamond.

“You and I could pick our own destinies too, if you came to Earth with me. You wouldn’t belong to anyone there,” Rose whispered the traitorous words against the shell of Pearl’s ear and she shivered hard.

“H-how do you even know all this?” Pearl stammered, feeling her face flush for possibly the first time in her existence. Gems weren’t supposed to feel attraction to each other, at least not baseless physical attraction. Pearl had experience with the hazy magnetic pull between her and Blue. That was easy. The warm not-hate Pearl felt when Rose touched her was confusing. It made the hate come back harder when she pulled away, disorienting Pearl more.

“Pink Diamond showed me. She’s obsessed with the humans. She even built a Zoo to observe some of them in.”

“Mmm. And just how are you and I supposed to run away to Earth? You may think your diamond loves you, but that’s delusional. She’d shatter you the first chance she got.”

“Well maybe if you channeled some of those illicit things you feel towards me into fighting against the gems that are actually hurting you, we might actually get somewhere productive.”

Pearl shut up after that, surprised at how easily readable she was. She’d have to work on that. They didn’t speak again for twenty years as Pearl tried and failed over and over, to keep her emotions hidden better around Rose. Despite the negativity of the emotions, no one, not even Blue, for all that she loved her, had ever made her feel so much in her eons of existence. Feelings were dangerous.

Rose Quartz’s hope was grossly infectious and by year seventy five, they were as far as the seventh antechamber, when Rose gave her a gift of a sword she had stolen from under the nose of a lazy Jasper – Rose was given a surprising amount of freedom when she wasn’t being used to justify the abuse of lesser gems – Pearl knew that her hate for Rose was cooling uncomfortably into a very different sort of love than any she’d felt before.

Pink Diamond returned one hundred years to the day since she’d first arrived with Rose, a blink of time to a diamond. By then Pearl thought she might be ready to start listening to Rose, and maybe acknowledge her feelings that were decidedly unhateful. She never got the chance.

“What did you do to her?” Pink Diamond whined, pointing to Rose Quartz.

“What do you mean? She’s perfectly fine. I treated her the way that is befitting one of her class and disposition,” White Diamond replied flippantly, boredly watching one of her pearls dance.

“No! She’s different somehow! Can’t you see it?”

“No, I cannot. And I surely cannot have ruined her in a mere century! I simply used her as intended. She’s defective anyways.”

“That’s not the point! You can’t just wreck something that I gave you.”

“I can do. Whatever. I want.” White Diamond stood up from her throne, casting her imposing figure over her huge, magnificent throne room.  “Need I remind you, who made you, Pink?”

Pink Diamond balled her fists, stuck out her tongue and blew a raspberry at an appalled White Diamond. Then she cast her gaze upon Pearl. “Your Pearl ruined her. I’m taking her back. Home. I’m going to fix her.”

“You gave her to me. You can’t just have her back. Besides, I’m sure I can have her properly reconditioned. Or you can make a new one.”

“I don’t want a new one, I want her!” Pink Diamond stomped her foot on the ground, and the entire throne room shook. The pearl that was holding White Diamonds sword fell over, and White Diamond gave her a glare that could’ve poofed her right there. She’d deal with that later.

“If you are going to continue acting like a child, then I will treat you like one. You’re supposed to be a leader Pink, act like it. Or you will no longer have the privilege of having your own planet.”

“Fuck you!” Pink shouted.

The diamond scooped up Rose Quartz and stormed out of the room before White Diamond even had time to draw her sword. With a sigh the gem matriarch sank back down onto her throne. “She can be such a child sometimes,” White Diamond said, pinching the bridge of her nose. “I suppose I could ask Blue and Yellow to talk to her. She does so look up to Blue. It’s my fault, I made her too passionate. Wouldn’t you agree, pearl?”

The pearl holding her sword gulped visibly, but answered quickly, “I couldn’t say, My Diamond. I don’t think Your Excellency is capable of producing a subpar gem.”

“Don’t patronize me, you worthless excuse for a servant.” And without warning, White Diamond threw out her hand and batted the little pearl away. She hit the opposite wall with a sickening crack, and slid to the floor. When she finally managed to lift her head off the ground, several fractures were visible on her gem.

Pearl shuddered in horror. White Diamond growled and plucked her from where she always stood at the ready. She placed the tiny gem on her open palm, pulled her up to her eye level, and with the wickedest grin told Pearl, “This is your fault. Watch.” 

The other two pearls were the next victims of White Diamonds wrath. None of them screamed. They crawled to the first pearl as the cracks in their gems slowly widened and together the three of them shattered into motes of light, leaving only three broken gems on the floor.

Pearl begged, screamed herself hoarse, cried, pleaded, pounded her tiny fists against her diamonds hand and even attempted bribery, but White Diamond would not be quelled. She called for and shattered, with one sweep of her sword, an entire battalion of amethysts, poofed many rubies and finally, as her rage cooled, questioned a sapphire on the future. She correctly guessed that she would be shattered and her gem was the final casualty of the event. White Diamond dropped Pearl amongst the pile of gems shards, giving one final command before she left the room.

“Remember what happened here, Pearl, while you’re waiting for your turn. You ruined a good Quartz soldier, so I am going to ruin you. I think I’ll leave you to wonder when. I have some pearls to commission.”

Thick tears rolled down Pearl’s face, her knees scraped from the sharp edge of the gem shards, as the echoes of White Diamond’s heels faded in the distance. Pearl scooped the shards into her hand, tears falling on them. She didn’t expect it to work, not really. The shard fell from her hands like sand, cutting through her skin as they went. Pearl hissed through the pain, but did nothing to stop it. Her gem glowed, and from it she pulled the knife Rose had fashioned from a twisted piece of metal. It was beautiful, the handle fashioned with a rose insignia, the metal worked finely, too finely for hands like Rose’s, she was gentle, but imprecise. Pearl didn’t take the time to wonder where she had gotten the knife, instead she took a deep breath and gave one last look to the devastation around her that she had caused. Then she pressed the cool tip of the knife to her gem, adjusted the grip and –

 

* * *

 

 

“No. No! NO!” Steven shouted, turning around on Pearl’s lap again, his voice squeaking high. He took Pearl’s face in his tiny hands and she was surprised by chubby cheeks and a gap-tooth smile. She hadn’t seen this Steven, tiny, five year old Steven, dressed in a too big shirt, for a long, long time. “It wasn’t your fault! You can’t blame yourself!” Steven wailed.

“Steven, you’re getting very upset,” Pearl told him gently, taking his tiny hands into her own.

“Of course I’m upset!” If the situation hadn’t been so tense, it would’ve been comical to see tiny Steven with the level of thought and articulation that he possessed at twenty, for the moment, it was just as heart breaking as ever. “How are you so calm about this!”

“I’ve had more than six thousand years to come to terms with that time of my life. It’s been over for a long time. I’m not that gem that was holding the knife. That was one time I’ve been able to forgive myself for. Your mother, Garnet, Bismuth and even Amethyst made sure of that. It doesn’t hurt me anymore, Steven. I promise.”

Steven looked down at his hands, still being held by Pearl’s, sniffling. “Does the story ever start getting better?”

“Of course it does. I’m here, with you, right now. I came close to giving up, but I chose that night to keep going. I decided my final act of defiance, and the greatest honor I could give to those shattered gems, was to keep living. I was lucky enough to get the chance to run away after all.”

“And she created quite a stir when she did,” Blue waxed poetically, eyes misty, but mouth turned up into a smile.

“Yes, well, it just so happened that only a month after that, that White Diamond called together all the diamonds, to try and correct Pink Diamond’s childish behavior. And that meant leaving their lesser gems unsupervised. Rose asked me again to run away with her, and the last thing I did was beg Blue to come with me.”

“I was too scared to go, but I watched Pearl dance her way through a dozen gems and poof one, and then her and Rose disappeared into the night to run away to Earth. That was the day that both the first and the second rebellion started.”

Pearl moved to stand, and Steven jumped off her lap. Gathering the pizza boxes in a neat stack, Pearl began to busy herself with tidying the living room.

“You were a real cutie when you were young,” Sheena said to Steven, leaning over her knees to look him in the eyes. He beamed back at her. “Why are you… like this?”

“Oh right! You weren’t around when I turned into a baby on my birthday. My powers are emotion based, especially shape-shifting. And right now, I feel small, so my body changed me to be as small as I feel.”

Sheena just nodded slowly. Amethyst, entirely too entertained by the expression on Sheena’s face, said, “All the weird shit you’ve seen us do, and this is what makes you speechless?” Sheena shrugged helplessly, but, from the kitchen, Pearl laughed and shot her lover a sly wink over her shoulder. 

Steven took no notice of their exchange, his face screwed up in determination. Running, carefully – he hadn’t forgotten how clumsy he had been as a child – he crossed the room easily and tugged at Pearl’s bow.

“That’s not the end of the story.”

“You’ve heard most of the stories about the Rebellion before Steven. And you’re five again, we should take a break.” Pearl was trying to deflect by cleaning. Steven had seen it before.  

The room held its breath, no one daring to move from their spots on the couch, as they waited to see what Steven would say to that.

“Pink Diamond.”

Pearl shook, raised a hand to her face and failed at breathing for a moment. Sheena was beside Pearl in an instant, Garnet close behind. Pearl allowed herself to be held, crying again, even though she was tired of crying.

“You’re making Pearl very upset, Steven,” Garnet scolded him gently, reaching to take him into her arms like she used to.

Steven screamed. He hadn’t had many tantrums as a child, but right that instant felt like the appropriate time. As his face turned red, his screaming became incoherent. When he looked like he was going to pass out, Amethyst jumped over and gave him a hard pat on the back telling him to ‘breath, dude’. Steven shoved Amethyst, and pushed away Garnet’s hands. When it seemed like he wasn’t getting anywhere, he threw himself onto the floor, kicking and pounding with his hands and feet.

Pearl was still shaking when she pulled him off the floor and into her arms. She winced slightly when Steven hit her chest with his fists, but didn’t bother putting him down, instead holding him close and rocking him gently. Slowly she started to hum and then sing to him softly, as his crying calmed down into hiccupping, his tantrum ending as quickly as it began.

Exhausted, Steven buried his face into Pearl’s shirt, fists bunched up in the fabric behind her back and sighed. “I’m sorry for having a tantrum. I know it upsets you, Pearl.” Steven sounded like he wanted to say more, but he stopped himself.

“And you don’t care.” Pearl finished for him, stroking his back and continuing to hum little snippets of tune. Sheena had pulled Pearl back into her arms, wrapping around the both of them from behind, leaving Steven eye level with the white of her shirt. It was the one with the cat on it and her favorite, especially since Pearl had went out of her way to find an exact copy of it when the old one became too worn to wear.

“I do care about you,” Steven assured her, nuzzling against Pearl’s neck. “But I’m so tired of not knowing what mom did. What you did. I inherited mom’s gem and that means I inherited this mess she left me. I’ve been doing my best to clean up after her, but it’s hard when it seems like I don’t know anything about you! All of you! I just want to know, good or bad, the things that happened to you. I don’t want to have to hear it from some dumb ruby that doesn’t know what she’s talking about. Please just talk to me.”

“I can’t promise you’ll like what you have to hear,” Pearl mumbled.

“I’ll still love you anyways,” Steven assured her.

Pearl sighed. “I suppose you were going to find out eventually. Either from Eyeball or some other gem. I need a minute though, if that’s alright?”

“Okay,” Steven said, allowing himself to be transferred from Pearl’s arms to Garnet’s.

As she carried him to the couch, Garnet shushed any apologies he tried to make about pushing her away, having already seen all of them, and assured him he was forgiven. Looking over her shoulder Steven saw Sheena whispering something to Pearl and then kissing her on her forehead. And then Garnet was tugging him back down against her chest so they could have some privacy. Steven sat in the empty spot Pearl had occupied, feeling Connie’s uncomfortable glances that she was subtly sneaking at him. He didn’t blame her, after all her boyfriend had just become a five year old. Steven blushed hotly at the realization that _Connie,_ who already seemed too mature for him sometimes when he was normal sized, had seen him have a full on temper tantrum. There was no chance to think about that further when Pearl was in front standing in front of him again, Sheena rubbing slow circles into the back of her palm with the hand that was holding hers. Pearl took the hand he held out with her other one and he squeezed tightly. Taking a deep breath, she pulled him loosely against her with one arm and finished the story.

 

* * *

 

 

The scent of strawberries hung thickly in the air, burning Pearl’s nose. The fields had been the site of many previous battles in the war, and when they had realized that the tiny fruit was caused by all the gems that had been shattered there they had tried to make it off limits, to preserve it as a special place. But Pink Diamond barely followed the rules of her elder diamonds, and so of course she was not going to follow some puny decree by the rebels.  

Pearl managed to feel the tiniest bit vindictive about the fact that she was now currently on top of one of the most powerful of gemkind, with a sword at her throat, even as she felt sticky strawberry juice continue to fly through the air and coat her body. Pink Diamond was smashing her fists on the ground, angry at being bested by Rose Quartz and her Pearl. The other gems, the ones that had survived had been sent away. This confrontation was for Rose, who was standing on Pink Diamond’s stomach, the point of her sword on the diamond’s gem.

“Do it,” Pink Diamond said, sounding almost proud about it. “You’ve fought for a place at the table. Now claim it. Shatter me. It’ll be so utterly diamond of you!”

And that was the part that hurt Pearl the most. Even when they’d won they’d lost. Pink Diamond was right. There was no point in poofing her, – she’d already been poofed by them three times in the battle and all three she’d come back immediately, angry and screaming, though ever so slightly more tired – she’d keep coming back until they did the unthinkable.

“I have to do it,” Rose cried, tears streaming down her dirt streaked face.

“I’m proud of you, My Rose. One doesn’t get to the top without some sin to their name. Of course it has to be the right kind of sin. This will wash away the others, mixed fusing, human fucking,” Pink Diamond’s eyes flickered to Pearl and she smiled, “and pearl fucking, among others.”

Pearl sneered, unafraid to show her disgust and contempt for the gem beneath her sword. Rose used her strength to lift gems and people up, make them better than they were. The diamonds used their strength to take without consequence. Pearl was tired of it.

“For the Earth to be free, I have to do this,” Rose chanted to herself. “Just let me do this for everyone.”

Pearl could see the war that Rose was fighting with herself. What did she stand for if she used the same tactics as the diamonds? Pearl wished Garnet was still with them, so she could take her arm and take some of her quiet strength, so she could be soothed by her voice, and her visions. It wasn’t right for her to die apart from Garnet, she was her oldest friend after all, her first friend, her pupil, but she had broken apart when Sapphire poofed, and Pearl convinced an inconsolable Ruby to take her away from the battlefield. She decided then, that Rose would not die that day and so neither would she. Pearl threw down her sword.

“Fuse with me, Rose!” Pearl’s gaze was steely, commanding and firm. It was the first time she’d ever given an order to Rose, and the quartz wished that this was happening under any other circumstance, so that she could be even prouder than she already was.

They fused crying, and Rainbow Quartz emerged in a flash of light and tears, stained with strawberries and dirt. Pearl felt a wave of sorrow and regret unlike any other she’d ever felt from Rose wash over her. Pink Diamond was cruel, but she was still _hers._ Killing her would be like cutting off a limb or snuffing out the only light in a dark cave. A keen rose up, and from behind a rock peeked Pink Diamond’s personal pearl. She knew before even they did that her mistress was about to die. Rose’s sword wasn’t heavy for the fusion, but she needed both hands anyways to stab it down into Pink Diamond’s gem. A scream rose, high and long and Rainbow Quartz couldn’t tell if it was from her throat or Pink Diamond’s. A blinding burst of light flew out, and for a long time the battlefield was completely still and silent.

When the dust cleared, Pearl and Rose were holding hands, motes of shattered gem floating in the air. Pearl didn’t dare breathe, for fear of accidentally inhaling the minuscule shards into her fake lungs and tearing them to shreds. Tears streaked both their faces, and they knew it would be a long time before either of them were ready to make their way back to the rest of the Crystal Gems. Something inside of them was broken, too.

Pink Diamond’s pearl’s low keen morphed into a guttural scream and she threw herself at Pearl, shrieking out her pain and fury as she pulled her out of Rose’s grasp. With a flourish, she had Pearl’s sword in hand, holding it sloppily against Pearl’s body and shaking with rage. The only thing scarier, in Pearl’s mind, than a gem that knew how to use a sword was one that had never used one in the first place. And Pink Diamond’s pearl had never even dreamed of grabbing a weapon before, considering how brand new she was. She was a danger to both Pearl and herself.

“Please let her go,” Rose said, swaying and tired. “I know you’re hurt, but we can help you.”

Pearl plastered on a fake smile, drawing on whatever strength she had left to give, to try and reassure the pearl that was shaking behind her. Everything hurt though, the pain coming in waves of numbness followed by tortured realization. There was no fixing the mess they’d made. The look on the rest of the Crystal Gems faces would be impossible to bear.

Suddenly white hot pain drove everything from Pearl’s mind and she looked down to see her own sword thrust to the hilt in her stomach. Pink Diamond’s pearl, made in her image, with a gem on her stomach, was screaming behind her into her ear, as the sword ripped through and shattered her in an instant. Pearl fell to her knees when her assailants grip on her finally left, weeping cold tears. Rose was beside her in a moment, scrabbling for her hands. Rose needed her there more than ever, even though Pearl’s mind was tearing itself to pieces. Another pearl was dead because of her.

“We’ll tell them it was me, My Pearl,” Rose spoke gently, patting Pearl’s hand. “And that’s an order.”

Pearl screamed in raw staccato as her form dissipated, knowing she couldn’t disobey when Rose asked her like that. When she reformed she was still screaming.

 

* * *

 

 

In the beach house, baby Steven wailed in tandem to Pearl in the flickering projection, the real Pearl unable to comfort him through her shaking.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter kind of kicked my ass, and I'm still not completely proud of it, but there are a lot of things I like. Things start looking up for everyone from here! 
> 
> Chapter 4: Coping is next! In which everyone heals, each in their own way. I'm a little behind so it might be longer than a week for chapter 4, so thanks for your patience. 
> 
> Please read and enjoy! All reviews and comments welcome and appreciated, they feed the writer! Thanks so much for reading!


	4. Coping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone copes in their own way.

The kitchen plates were a hodge-podge set of contributions by Greg, yard sale finds (Pearl still didn’t understand why they were called yard sales when they weren’t selling the yard) and strange decorative and commemorative pieces that they had collected over the years. Too many of the nice, matching plates had been lost to either Amethyst accidentally devouring them or something – someone in Ronaldo’s case – that they let into their house destroying them. For that reason Pearl opted to organize them by pattern first, and then by size. It was relaxing in a strange sort of way, making at least some part of the chaos that was life neat and orderly.

Pearl wondered if asking for a new set of plates and bowls was considered a personal enough gift that Steven would oblige that request the next time he insisted on buying her a present. Even with Greg’s massive riches – wisely invested, as per the Maheswaran’s suggestions – Steven had still become interested in making a little extra money on the side, taking odd jobs whenever he was bored, or there weren’t enough missions to occupy him. Steven loved buying gifts for other people and had insisted that the gems each pick a date for a birthday, even though the last time they had tried it had been a disaster. Peridot and Amethyst had leapt on the chance immediately, Garnet accepted the suggestion without question, though Pearl knew she was secretly very pleased. Pearl tried to keep up the façade of indifference, but it was very difficult when both Connie and Sheena insisted on getting involved too.

Steven always complained that she was hardest to shop for, though the first two years, she had gladly accepted a new tie and fancy chess set. ‘You’re supposed to ask for something for you!’ Steven had insisted. Not something lame, Amethyst had added, like paint for a new coat for the outside of the house or more laundry detergent, of all things. ‘It’s the one time of year you can just ask for whatever you want!’ Pearl mused on that, truly not knowing what else she could want. It was a dirty trick, but Pearl knew that Steven would begrudgingly get her dishes if she told him they were for her personally, and not just for the benefit of the entire household, even if she ended up using them the least.

As she started running out of plates Pearl really considered that plan, growling in frustration at the one plate in her hand that was impossible to categorize, not fitting anywhere size wise or pattern wise. It was supposed to be a relaxing activity and the mismatched plates were not helping sooth her frazzled mood.

“Let me get that for you,” Amethyst said smoothly, yanking the plate from her hand and swallowing it whole.

Pearl’s breath hitched hard, as she was startled from her introspection, Amethyst digging around into the fridge, and shoving whatever she could find into her mouth. Years ago Pearl would’ve been disgusted, but now she was only mildly grossed out, the feelings of familial affection trumping all the others.

“Thanks, Amethyst,” Pearl replied, with a small smile, as she returned to the dishes.

“You worry about enough things in that big ‘ol head of yours without some stupid plates getting you more worked up,” Amethyst chided, jumping to sit on the counter and poke Pearl on her nose.

Pearl smiled wanly. “My head’s not that big,” she muttered with mock offense.

Amethyst clearly missed the teasing lilt to her tone because she face palmed and groaned into her hand, dragging it down her face and clawing at her hair with the other. “I can’t say anything right today, can I?”

“It’s alright Amethyst, I understand –“

“Geezus, you’re not even gonna yell at me? Ugh. Even when I deserve it you’re the better gem than me. I’m sorry for the stupid shit I said today. It’s just,” Pearl looked like she was going to stop her, with some (admittedly correct) reassurances that she was just as good a gem as her, but stopped when Amethyst held up a hand. “It’s just that, until today I was in the same boat as Steven. You and Garnet were there, Pearl! Lapis was there! Peridot’s like a baby compared to me and even she knows more about the war than I ever did. How come you never told me stuff like this?”

“Rose, thought it was best if we didn’t burden you with things like that. You were free of the horror and pain of the war, which was something she could never have with Garnet and I. You and her had something special. So when she told me that she didn’t want you to know, I respected those wishes.”

“That’s dumb,” Amethyst pouted.

“Perhaps it was,” Pearl admitted, grabbing the plates again and this time ordering them by size first and then pattern.

“Seriously though what’s wrong?”

Pearl scoffed.

“I’m already, like, gonna have to kick some junk around and blast some music to feel cool again after all this mushy feelings crap. You might as well tell me.”

“I’m worried about Steven.”

“When are you not worried about Steven, P?”

“He’s a baby again. And you’re not with him.”

Amethyst looked incredulous. “Is this just because I can turn into a car seat? I’m sure he’s fine, Connie’s an excellent driver. Didn’t you help teach her? They probably went to the car wash and are jamming with Greg right now, and he’ll be back to normal before you know it.”

Pearl stopped her frantic organizing to lean against the counter, its hard edge poking into her back. She schooled the line of her mouth into a soft smile and took a few deep breaths. Pearl gazed out the beach house door, but was simply met with the empty night sky off the ocean.

“It’s not Connie I’m concerned about. Steven, Connie and even Stevonnie are all excellent drivers. It’s Lapis and Peridot I’m worried about.”

“Seriously? I mean, I know how Dotty can be, but Lapis would sooner cut off her own arm than let something happen to Steven,” Amethyst buzzed enthusiastically, scarfing down an entire can of soda.

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” Pearl grumbled, and Amethyst laughed with her about Lapis’ borderline obsessive behaviour.

“Where’s the three stooges at anyways? I mean I know we all sort of went our own way for some space, but they didn’t have anywhere to go to.”

“Walking the beach. Blue realized right after Connie, Lapis and Peridot went off to try and calm Steven down, that perhaps it would be best for them to disappear for a while. They made it here all on their own, and it sounds like Earth is safe enough still. They’ll be fine.” Pearl gave a dismissive wave, but it sounded like she wasn’t convinced.

“They will be. And so will Steven. You know how he is, nothing you told him is going to change how he sees you. Now stop worrying about it,” Amethyst commanded, jumping down from the counter and gathering her spoils in one arm.

“You know I can’t.

“Was worth a shot anyways.”

Amethyst was halfway to the Temple door when she stopped, her whole body tensing with a mischievous energy. When she turned around there was a sly, Cheshire grin plastered on her face. Pearl had the good sense to be terrified. Amethyst rushed back and grabbed Pearl’s face with her one free hand, tugging it down so they were eye level.

“Alright, so if any of you other pearls are seeing this with your weird mind thing or whatever you better listen up,” Amethyst started, talking to Pearl’s face as if she were a camera, or a picture. She smiled when she felt Pearl giggle. “I’m the only one allowed to pick on Pearl, okay? So if you come to Earth and you’re mean to her, I’ll have to beat you up, okay? And then my friend,” Amethyst quickly shapeshifted into her wrestling alter ego, “The PURPLE PUMA will beat you up too! Good talk, glad we’ve come to an understanding.”

With a flourish, Amethyst spun away, flashing a peace sign and sticking out her tongue as she walked back to her room. Pearl looked like she holding back a complete laughing fit. Amethyst thought that was completely unacceptable, so she shapeshifted into her Pearl impression again, and slapped her own rear for affect. “I’ll kick your asses you hear,” she yelled, with a fake chirrupy sweetness.

“Amethyst!” Pearl shrieked, an undercurrent of mirth tinging her scolding. She was across the room in a second, blushing and trying to push a hysterical Amethyst through the Temple door. When Amethyst shrunk back to normal and repeated the motion, Pearl finally laughed outright, shoving Amethyst good-naturedly against the Temple door.

“Made you laugh,” Amethyst crooned triumphantly, her door opening with a whoosh. She fell through and rolled easily back to standing, losing nothing in her arms. As the door closed, she winked at Pearl, shooting out a finger gun with her free hand.

“That you did,” Pearl conceded, smiling despite herself.

When the door opened again, a blast of heat rushing out to greet her, Pearl’s good feelings soured quickly. She’d have to talk to Garnet eventually, she knew, but there was no telling what was waiting for her inside the Burning Room. But if the door had opened, that mostly likely meant Garnet saw at least one future that they could all live with, so Pearl took a deep breath and plunged inside.

 

* * *

 

 

Garnet was sitting on the edge of the lava pool when Pearl walked into the Burning Room. Both of them stopped to awkwardly not make eye contact, Pearl fiddling with her sash and Garnet tapping a finger against her leg. Eventually Pearl made her way over to Garnet’s side, deliberately and precisely dusting off the stone edge of the pool and smoothly out the (non-existent) wrinkles in her shirt as she took a seat next to Garnet.

“So, I guess, I’m not you’re oldest friend,” Garnet started, trying to lighten the mood.

“You’re my oldest Earth friend,” Pearl assured her, and then feeling silly continued, “And besides if you add up Ruby’s and Sapphire’s ages then you’re older than even me. So you are my ‘oldest’ friend.”

Garnet nearly cracked a smile at that. “Sheena should’ve told you that it’s not nice to make fun of a girl’s age.”

“We haven’t gotten to that lesson yet, but I’ll be sure to let her know,” Pearl said, elbowing Garnet. Neither ended up laughing.

Both of them sat in silence for a full five minutes. Garnet crossed her arms over her chest, still angry and annoyed. Pearl cast worried glances at her, constantly pulling her hands back from automatically reaching for Garnet’s arm. Being strong for everyone was exhausting. Pearl wondered how Rose had done it every day. Wondered if she could do it every day. Taking a deep breath and gathering up the remaining patience she had, Pearl wrapped an arm around Garnet and hugged her.

“I’ve… suspected for a long time that Sapphire might’ve had a pearl of her own on Homeworld. She was Blue Diamond’s Sapphire; one of her best, for a very long time. It wasn’t unrealistic to think that she would’ve rewarded her.”

Except for the slightest tensing of her form, Garnet stayed as stoically still as always.

“If there was anything to forgive, I’ve done it a long time ago. We were different gems back then, Garnet.”

“I think about her, sometimes,” Garnet admitted abruptly, phasing off her visor to look Pearl properly in the eyes. It was disconcerting for both of them. “Not enough. Not as often as I should. It was decades, centuries during the war between thoughts of her. It was always you that triggered them.” Garnet saw the flash in Pearl’s eyes, the uncomfortable twist of realization and she scanned several futures quickly, looking for the best way to proceed. “Don’t misunderstand, Pearl. I didn’t become your friend out of some misguided quest for forgiveness, as though being nice to you would change the things Sapphire did on Homeworld. It could never change them. The truth doesn’t have multiple paths the way the future does.”

“Truthfully, I haven’t thought about her since Rose…. passed. We’ve been so busy. And you all needed that strength. I needed to put her away.”

“We’ll find her,” Pearl reassured Garnet, taking her hands in her own, and looking at her with such sincerity that Garnet thought she might be able to believe that. She certainly didn’t, but the future in regards to the gem that had once served one of her components was dark. For Pearl’s sake, she would pretend.

“They’re going to need a leader, and a friend, Pearl.”

“I know, and I don’t understand why they’ve chosen me.”

“You’re their Rose Quartz. You’re the reason they’re here and free. Not me, not Steven. You.”

Garnet stood, pulling Pearl to her feet with her, and twirled her so they were face to face. Pearl seemed taller, though Garnet knew that was an impossibility. Hooking her hands under Pearl’s arms she pulled the smaller gem to eye level and spun her around, throwing her into the air once, with a delighted whoop from both of them. And then Garnet broke a long held rule she had for herself and asked a question.

“Do you remember what you promised me?”

“O-of course, Garnet.”

“Good. You’ve kept it well,” and Garnet flashed Pearl a rare grin as she put her down. “And you’ll continue to keep it well.”

“Future vision?” Pearl asked, gathering a little bit of strength back from Garnet’s encouraging words.

“Don’t need it for this.”

Garnet grabbed Pearl by the shoulders, and twisted her around, hands flashing hot and cold into her shoulders. “Steven’s back.” Pearl stiffened even as Garnet pushed her forward. She tried to dig her heels into the stone floor, but Garnet was stronger, and made short work of the distance to the door. It opened with a soft whoosh that sounded suddenly ominous to Pearl. Garnet moved one hand to the small of Pearl’s back and pushed.

It was gentle, much too gentle to actually force her out the door. She’d have to choose. Have to be the leader that Steven and the other pearls needed. _Take strength from those that love you, Pearl,_ Rose Quartz’s voice spoke to from somewhere in her memory, though she knew that Rose had never actually said that exact phrase. Pearl grounded herself in a simple ballet stance, and felt the tips of Garnet’s fingers splayed on her back, the last solid bit of connection between the two of them, the push incomplete, both of their muscles straining. Pearl chose, and the door whooshed closed behind her.

 

* * *

 

 

As always, Garnet’s timing had been impeccable. Whatever strength Pearl had gotten from her encouragement would’ve easily been dashed to pieces against the onslaught of naïve bluntness that was Peridot. The green gem was currently screaming as Lapis, who, having yet to grow tired of the joke, had grabbed her under the arms and hauled her bodily into the air, intent on carrying both of them off to the barn. Neither of them had wanted to leave the structure they had worked so hard to modify, but Steven had asked if they wanted to move in to be closer to the others two years ago and both had been torn for months. Until Garnet suggested what should’ve been obvious. The barn rested on top of the hill, just under the lighthouse, balanced precariously, a lot of sweat and hard work, and a little gem magic working together to make it stay, but still be generally inaccessible to nosy humans. They had a door in the Temple that bent space so it opened to the barn, but Lapis thought flying there herself was more fun. And the added bonus of making her lover scream was nice too.

Steven and Connie waved, getting only Lapis’ laughter and a string of made up expletives – most a variation of clod – from Peridot as reply. With that settled they slumped into the beach house, the screen door slamming roughly behind them. Steven let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair and Pearl thought that it was unfair for his broad shoulders to be carrying such stress. A moment of indecisiveness stilled her tongue and she considered turning around and marching right back into the Temple, but Steven looked up then, noticed her standing there and she had no choice but to cross the distance of the house.

“Hello,” Pearl said softly, unwilling to break the atmosphere of the house. She’d left the harsh light on above the stove, and it spilled through the house, casting everything else in sharp shadows. It was dark outside, with a warm breeze trickling through the screen door. The microwave flashed 2:46. It was both too late and too early, and far past Steven’s bedtime, even if he insisted he didn’t have one.

“Hey,” Steven replied in unison with Connie, who was hugging one of his arms hard, and trying to stifle a yawn. It was even farther past Connie’s bedtime, who enjoyed the strict structure of a schedule, but was always willing to break it for Steven.

“How did your drive go?” Pearl ventured, trying to find something to talk about.

“It was great, Connie drove down the mountain a few times until I calmed down enough to see dad. We jammed for a while, looked at the stars and talked.”

“He must’ve been… surprised.” Pearl bit her bottom lip, wondering what Steven had told his father. Despite the fact that they were friends now, there were certain things Pearl didn’t want Greg to know about her.

“He understood when I told him what happened. I didn’t tell him anything too personal, Pearl. It’s your story to tell,” Steven reassured her, touching her gently on the shoulder, guiding the three of them to the couch to continue their small talk.

Connie stumbled, half asleep, and fell easily onto the couch, resting her head on Steven’s lap when he sat down beside her. Her eyes were wide open though as Pearl gracefully sat down next to Steven, and she caught Pearl’s gaze and smiled at her through the darkness.

“Dad’s actually kind of excited. We haven’t had new family for a while. He wants to meet them, when they’re ready. Said not to hesitate and ask if we need any money at all. Shoved a few hundred dollar bills in my hand as I was leaving. Wouldn’t let me say no.” Steven blushed awkwardly. Being grown up and knowing the cost of things had made him self-conscious about taking money from his dad, even when Greg insisted.

Pearl hummed in reply, thinking about her response. “And how is he doing?” She was genuinely curious, they’d been so busy with one thing or another and she had suddenly realized that they hadn’t seen the man in almost six months.

“He’s doing great! Well his back is acting up, but he hired someone to help him at the car wash, so he doesn’t have to work so many days. I keep telling him he should retire early, since he has several people for guitar lessons now, and _Water Witch_ is selling pretty good. Not here, surprisingly, but in Korea! He has a huge following there, fans send him postcards and everything! Ever since Peridot showed him how to self-publish his music on the internet he’s been taking off in different places all over the word. He has nearly two thousand followers on his channel, which is more than me! He’s working on another album, wants me to thank you, again, for the new sound table and recording equipment.”

Pearl laughed, interrupting, “He’s thanked me seventeen times already. I’ve counted.”

“He knows it was expensive,” Steven replied with a small shrug, bashful again.

“You both deserve nice things. It helps me feel better about the twenty odd years I treated him like dirt. And understanding birthdays now, well I know how important they are to humans. Sheena said that fifty is a big deal, so… big present.”

Steven’s mouth twisted. He wanted to say something about that deserving comment, wanted to remind Pearl that she deserved nice things too, and wasn’t her birthday coming up. Connie stopped him with a hand to his cheek, looking up at him until he relaxed again. She knew him too well. It wasn’t the time. “You know, you still haven’t told me where you got the money for that. I know you didn’t steal it, that’s an Amethyst thing.”

“I earned it,” Pearl said smoothly, offering the explanation surprisingly freely, although Steven supposed it was just another way for her to keep the small talk going, for both of them to skirt around what they really needed to say to each other. “There’s a mechanic's shop in Ocean town near Sheena’s apartment. Her friend works there and was very impressed with how well I fixed Sheena’s bike. I told him it was actually somewhat fun, after all it wasn’t as hard as building a rocket. He laughed and said I was welcome to pick up a shift or two if I wanted.”

“So that’s what you were doing that week you and Sheena stayed at her place,” Connie jumped in, and Pearl didn’t miss the innuendo laden tone she had.

“Among other things,” Pearl replied in an equally suggestive tone.

“Guys,” Steven whined. He did not want to think about what kind of things Pearl and Sheena got up to. Just like, he was certain, Pearl didn’t want to think about what he and Connie got up to. Mostly because he knew she’d probably have a conniption, like the time she’d caught them making out on the couch. Of course, he’d learned a few things he hadn’t wanted to about his guardian too – like the fact that she enjoyed getting her hair pulled. Steven shook his head, trying to scrub that mental image from his mind. Pearl and Connie laughed easily at that, and Steven wondered if he’d ever understand women, even though he was raised by three of them. When Amethyst teased Pearl like that, she got annoyed, but when Connie did it, Pearl played along, and Steven did not understand it at all.

They lapsed into a comfortable silence after that, Connie twirling a lock of Steven’s hair around her finger and Pearl content to watch them. Steven wore it long, like his father, but his tight curls often necessitated a ponytail or braid. The tips had started to bleed to a soft blond and then pink as he got older, though his roots remained sharply black, which relieved him.

“And Steven?” Pearl asked, small and questioning. She’d pulled her knees up to her chest again, as if that could somehow make it easier to say what she needed to. She was about to break the calm atmosphere of the house.

“Yes?”

“Are you okay?” Pearl wanted to know. There was stress etched into his features, even as they had relaxed against the couch, an agitation in his hands. His rapid, if involuntary, shapeshifting had clearly put a strain on his human body, and that was on top of the significant emotional distress she’d caused him.

Steven looked appalled, and scoffed. “Am I okay? Pearl, I made you spend several hours reliving some of the most traumatic moments of your life! Are you okay?”

“I am now.” It was honest, and Pearl hoped that she could express that to Steven without having to go even further into detail. She didn’t want to start crying again.

Steven leaned back against the couch, eyes rolled as back as possible so he could just see the ledge of the loft where his bed was. Pearl and Connie didn’t have to ask to know what he was thinking about.

“The diamonds?” Pearl gulped, afraid of what he might answer.

“I hate them.” Steven replied.

“More than Kevin?” Connie asked.

“Yes.”

“There’s nothing wrong with hate,” Pearl muttered, despite knowing Greg’s opinion about the matter. “Don’t let it control you.”

“I won’t. But I’m never letting the diamonds hurt my family again.” There was conviction in Steven’s voice, and a hardness in his eyes that Connie longed to smooth away. “Tomorrow I’m going to help you bury their bubbles so deep they’ll never be found by any gem or human, ever again.”

“Thank you,” Pearl breathed and felt some long ignored part of her relax for the first time in centuries.

“Where is the rest of our family anyways?” Steven asked.

Pearl’s heart swelled at his words. “Amethyst is in her room eating garbage, Garnet is thinking, Sheena’s in my room, and Pinky, Blue and Yellow are out,” Pearl listed, and Steven nodded at each one.

“Will they be back?”

“When the sun rises, I’m sure. They didn’t want to impose. I…. needed to be alone for a while after you left.”

“We all did.”

The three of them relaxed, and Pearl uncoiled herself, allowing her long legs to rest on the coffee table. For several minutes they enjoyed the warmth and silence of the summer night. Then Steven yawned hard and Connie followed quickly after. Pearl felt a strange tugging in her own fake lungs, embarrassed at her body’s pull to emulate the two humans.

“I think it’s time for bed, Steven,” Pearl suggested, rising slowly.

“Definitely.”

Connie followed the two of them, getting up, languid and unhurried.  

“Are you staying the night Connie?” Pearl asked when the three of them reached the bottom of the stairs to Steven’s bed.

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good, both of you are too fatigued to be driving safely.”

“Of course, ma’am.”

“Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” Pearl teased, winking at Connie

“Goodnight, ma’am,” Connie responded with slightly more

“Alright, I understand when I’m not wanted,” Pearl huffed, crossing her arms, and turning up her nose, but both of the humans knew she didn’t really mean it. “I’ll go.”

“No you don’t.” Connie yanked Pearl into a bony hug before she could escape and impressed Pearl again with her strength. “Goodnight, ma’am.”

“Goodnight, Connie.”

Pearl didn’t even get a second to catch her breath after Connie released her before Steven had pulled her into a hug. Even though they were close in height, Steven leaned backwards, lifting Pearl off the ground in the hug and squeezing her so tight with his gem strength she was almost worried. But she smiled when he finally put her down, disinclined to discourage his bear hugs.

“Goodnight, Pearl,” Steven said, as he helped drag Connie, who was losing her battle against sleep, up the stairs.

Pearl crossed the house easily, and opened the door to her room, eyes trained on her two children the whole way, wanting to make sure they actually made it to the bed. When she was satisfied that they had she turned to walk into her room, but not before replying, in a voice so quiet that Steven only just heard it, “Goodnight, Steven.”

 

* * *

 

 

The sound of her waterfalls soothed Pearl as she headed to the back corner of her room, a soft well-lit area, well sectioned off from even the tiniest drops of water from the falls. The hard stone floor was softened with a blue rug and a somewhat disorganized (Sheena tried her best, really she did) desk, with several stacks of paper and a laptop. In the corner was a bed with photos decorating the wall above it (these, at least, were placed in a symmetrical fashion) and brightly burning lamp beside it. Pearl’s heart did a treacherous flip when she saw that Sheena had, like always, waited up for her.

The scene was so domestic and quaint and perfect that Pearl’s heart ached in all the right ways. Sheena was reading a book, her square framed reading glasses perched on her nose, newly pinked hair (it had been green last time, and there were still a few lingering traces left) framing her face, in her pyjamas and half covered with the bed sheet, though her shirt was hanging on the headboard, and when she looked up at Pearl she smiled. And then threw a pillow at her.

“There’s nothing wrong with screaming into a pillow when you’ve had a stressful day, honey,” Sheena reminded her gently.

Pearl caught the pillow easily enough, not even tiredness stopping her gem reflexes. She was certain there were lines around her eyes and that she looked awful in the bright light coming from the lamp. The pillow creased hard between her fists and then Pearl pressed it against her face, flopped onto the bed and followed Sheena’s suggestion perfectly. It helped that she didn’t need to breath, and so took it upon herself to indulge in the longest, hardest scream she could manage. Halfway through screaming herself raw, she felt the bed shift and Sheena get up. Just as she was finishing she felt it shift again, as Sheena sat closer to her, and ran a hand through her short hair soothingly.

When Pearl was finished, she turned her head and grumbled. She was on her stomach and trying to see Sheena was awkward and made her neck ache. With a sigh, she rolled onto her back, bringing the pillow with her and hugging it to her chest.

“I got you something, Pixie Stick,” Sheena said, one hand continuing to stroke her hair and the other pulling out a small rectangular shaped gift, wrapped with shiny green paper and a neat bow.

Pearl was up like a shot. “I forgot again!”

“No, no, no,” Sheena soothed gently, placing the gift on the pillow in Pearl’s lap to take her hands. “You didn’t forget anything. It’s alright.”

Pearl’s understanding of time was rudimentary at best. Of course she understood days, weeks, months and years as a concept, but the incessant need to keep track of them baffled her, and if you asked on any given day she’d be unable to tell the exact day or month or numbered year. It wasn’t important for gems. But it was for humans. Humans liked dates. Even calendars didn’t seem to help, but Sheena had learned not be offended that she had to constantly remind Pearl when important dates were coming up.

“Then why?” Pearl asked, too tired to try and figure out a baffling human thing.

“Because you’ve had a hard day and I wanted to give you something nice. It was supposed to be for our anniversary in three months, but today seemed like a better day for it. Let me spoil you once in a while, okay?” Sheena whispered softly, kissing Pearl on the forehead, just below her gem, before leaning over to place her glasses on the bedside table.

Pearl didn’t object as she set to work removing the bow, peeling it slowly enough that it didn’t rip the paper. Once that was complete, she found the edge of the wrapping and slid a nail along it, cutting the flimsy tape and carefully removed the wrapping bit by bit. Sheena watched contentedly for a while, amused as always at Pearl’s meticulous insistence on not ruining the wrapping paper and removing it perfectly.

When Sheena leaned back against the pillows of their bed, Pearl stopped long enough to see her beckon her over, and she crawled her way into her girlfriend’s embrace, sighing as she relaxed into it. “Feet or back,” Sheena asked.

“Both? Please.”

“As you wish.”

“I never should’ve let Steven talk us into that movie.” Pearl rolled her eyes, and took a moment to phase away her socks and flats. Sheena whined a little, she enjoyed undressing Pearl herself.

“Don’t pretend you didn’t love it, I saw the way you sighed at the end. You’re dying to watch it again, I can tell,” Sheena teased, leaning over Pearl to pull one of her feet into her hands and work the tense muscles beneath.

 Pearl stuck her tongue out at Sheena, who just laughed at the immature gesture, but retracted it quickly to bite back a groan. She didn’t understand how she could be so sore when she’d barely done anything. It wasn’t like she’d fought a gem monster or something actually strenuous. The second groan slipped out unbidden, as Sheena’s strong fingers rubbed away the stress of the day, her hands rounding up to Pearl’s ankles and then back down to the arches slowly.

“Mental stress can make you just as sore as physical stress can,” Sheena explained, knowing easily what Pearl was thinking as she gripped the half opened present, and tried to act like she wasn’t about to roll her eyes back and moan at the positive attention.

All of a sudden it was too much for Pearl, the gift, the massage, Sheena’s warm body wrapped around her, the total understanding from Garnet, Amethyst and Steven and the thought that she suddenly had a second chance to see her friends and her home again, and then she was picking at the gift, tears pricking at the corners of her eyes. Pearl resolutely refused to cry again.

That plan was quickly and summarily dashed the moment she got the wrapping paper all the way off the gift. As Pearl folded the paper neatly to store in her gem, a few of her tears fell on it, and Sheena stilled her hands out of concern. The tension snapped when Pearl giggled, and soon her eyes were pricking with tears of mirth instead.

“Connie’s going to be mad,” Pearl laughed, looking down at the final book in a series they both liked. It wasn’t supposed to be out for another six months and Connie was adamant about avoiding any sort of information about it, claiming that she wanted to go in fresh. 

“You’ll just have to not tell her.”

“And lie to my favorite student? How could you even suggest that Sheena,” Pearl huffed, one hand to her chest as she hammed it up. “How did you even manage this?”

“It’s all about who you know babe,” Pearl practically felt Sheena wink when she said that, and thumbed the pages of the book lightly as she continued talking. “And I happen to know a friend who is sleeping with the editor and called in a favor. No big deal.”

“Thank you, it’s lovely,” Pearl said, sincerely, opening to the first page as Sheena switched to her other foot.

Pearl gave up trying to read when Sheena reached her toes and they tingled, slightly ticklish to Pearl’s absolute mortification. Sheena took the time make her laugh, kissing her neck and jaw as way of apology. When Pearl turned in Sheena’s lap to face her there was a predatory smirk on her face, and Sheena gulped. Before she realized what was happening Pearl had placed her book on top of Sheena’s and grabbed her by the shirt to pull her into a long, deeply satisfying kiss.

Before they parted for Sheena to breathe Pearl nipped her lower lip, teasing the piercing there. Sheena stared at her with half lidded eyes, pupils wide and a muzzy expression on her face. Even after five years, Pearl still had quite the effect on her. Winking, the dancer turned around again, and reached for her sash.

“You can do my back now,” she commanded teasingly.

“Oh, I can, can I?” Sheena shot back, when she had begun to regain control of her mind. Sluggishly she covered Pearl’s hands with her own, pulling the sash off herself and tossing it quickly away; it vanished into motes of light before it even hit the ground. This time Pearl raised her arms and obliged Sheena, letting her pull off her tunic herself. The human admired the plane of Pearl’s back, and her taut muscles as she arranged herself on her stomach, crossing her arms in front of her to support her head.

Sheena talked without expecting an answer as she worked on Pearl’s back, keeping her voice low and relaxing. Occasionally Pearl would sigh, or a moan would slip out, but she was otherwise content to let Sheena’s voice wash over her. Here and there she caught a snippet or two about the latest coding project Sheena was working on for her boss, but it mostly faded to white noise as she sank into the bed, finally relaxing for the first time that day.

“I think I’d like to sleep tonight,” Pearl growled through a particularly tight spot near her neck. “Can I wear your shirt?” This she sighed sweetly as the knot loosened and the muscles warmed under Sheena’s hands.

Sheena bit her lip against a sigh of her own, thanking whatever divine cosmic force had dropped this adorable alien into her life. “You’ll have to earn it,” she ventured tentatively.

When Pearl didn’t reply for a full minute Sheena was worried she had misjudged, and her hands slowed, ready to take back the suggestion. In a second she was flat on her back, Pearl having deftly flipped the two of them without warning. Sheena kissed her chastely, and then pressed their forwards together, muttering about the gem strength she often forgot Pearl had.

“As you wish,” Pearl said cheekily, leaning down to capture Sheena’s lips again, blushing to her ears.

Sheena was certain that Pearl was going to be the death of her one of these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trash for the Princess Bride, and thus totally not sorry for the reference I put in there. I headcanon Sheena as a code monkey, which is why she can spend so much time with the CG's. This chapter was a lot of fun to write and felt good after all the heavy stuff last chapter. Next chapter is a little more fluffly character development for the other Pearls and then we meet someone new the chapter after that. The next couple chapters will continue to release slowly because of school, but I'm hoping to get back to a more regular schedule once that is over. Thanks for reading, and as always let me know what you liked in the comments, and I welcome any reviews/critiques!

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, so excited to finally post this! I've had the idea for this fic for a long time, and it's changed from what I originally thought up and then changed again while writing it. These first couple of chapters are very linear and connected but it will eventually start jumping around a bit more, just as warning. A huge amount of inspiration for Blue and Pearl's reunion is from this video:  
> https://youtu.be/s93WClpkRKc. This YouTuber has a lot of great Steven Universe stuff, so go check it out. 
> 
> Next Chapter: Blue, Pinky and Yellow explain what happened with the second rebellion.  
> Reviews and critiques are awesome! They feed the writer!


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